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Do you get tired of seeing the posts about Keep your Resolutions or Make those Goals Stick…? What does someone who is grieving do with goals in the “Happy” New Year? Here are my thoughts on that matter.

If you’re too stuck in the fog of grief to really even contemplate setting goals. I’ve been there. It’s perfectly normal. Deep empathy to you. Just breathe.

Are you a goal and resolution setter? If so, how’s it going? Still cranking away and zooming towards your goals. Have you met a few?  High five to you! That’s awesome!

Maybe you’re with the camp of that normally sets goals or make resolutions but you are finding that it’s just so HARD. Keeping goals and resolutions especially when you are in the midst of dealing with grief and loss can be a huge challenge. We understand that.

I personally am a goal setter most of the time. In deep grief and loss periods, goals keep me focused on doing something. I understand that in the initial deep hurting grief that even setting one goal can be virtually impossible. That’s A OK. Lean into your grief. Do the next thing.

That’s a goal – do the next thing & breathe. Just breathe. That’s where I start when life turns upside down.

If you find you just don’t, can’t, or won’t set goals. Consider what might be blocking you from setting goals. Do you fear the future, failure, or maybe success in reaching a goal? Does a goal feel like just one more thing to do and there’s just no room in your life for that as you grieve?

Benefits of goal setting

Goals can give you a sense of purpose, provide a focus, motivation, a sense of achievement, improve self- esteem and self-confidence, responsibility for own successes, a road to follow, time management, setting boundaries, peace of mind, and often clarity for decision making to name just a few. Wow, these are all things that in grief and life can be helpful.

How do you set goals when grieving?

There’s a ton of research and resources on goal setting.

I find the good ole’ SMART goal mnemonic can be helpful.

SMART = Specific, Measureable, Achievable/Assignable, Realistic/Relevant and Time bound. Here are more resources on SMART goal setting.

Specifically Grief and Goals

1. Determine what’s most important for you in the upcoming year.
   1. Some Ideas that I used in the past: get out of bed and dressed two more days of the week. pay the bills on time each month, make one “important” phone call each week, sort papers for 30min., research the job market for 1 hr.
2. Pick a goal this is important and moves you forward.
   1. start exercising 2 days per week or  eat a salad twice a week, etc.
3. Choose a goal is positive and future looking.
   1. Notice there are no Don’t, Should, Stop in the examples above.
   2. Positive wording can make all the difference.
4. Try setting a goal – just one. If you are up to it set a few. Whatever seems right?
5. Write it down and display it somewhere meaningful and helpful to you.
   1. I make a little word device to help me remember that captures the essence of each SMART goal.
   2. Example: Fit, Focused, and Prosperous
6. Contemplate journaling what the completion of that goal will look and feel like when you have completed it.
   1. This will tap into your Why this goal is important and help you when you feel like giving up.
7. If you get stuck, start over; try again – that’s resiliency.
   1. Check out Teresa’s blog on resiliency and goals.
      
8. If you get really stuck and just can’t move forward you may consider professional help from a counselor, spiritual guide, mentor, or coach.

In closing, we hope you 2018 finds you well, maybe ready to set a goal or two. Remember breathing is a goal! Start simple and do that next thing. You can do it!!

If you or someone you know find this useful or thought provoking, We’d love to hear from you.  Click like, share, comment, or email us.. Please share your thoughts with us.

Peace, Love, & Blessings,

Jeni & Teresa