Wow…I cannot even begin to explain the emotions running through me right now. Saturday, I found out that my 26 year old nephew had passed unexpectedly. They found him when they went to pick him up for work.
Now it is Monday and I sit here reeling from the news that my closest cousin passed this morning…also unexpectedly. Here I am, the cofounder of Torn in Half, preparing seminars to deal with grief and I am unexpectedly overwhelmed with it…again.
Almost ten years after my husband’s passing (this November will mark 10 years) and I am sitting in tears and memories not only of the two that have just passed but also of my husband. Both who passed, did so suddenly.
This time, I know the stages, I know the tools, etc. Yet, the tears keep falling the memories flooding. I have to remind myself that this is the process. There is no easy way through it except forward and to rely on the tools that I now know. I am practicing self care and taking the time I need rather than willing myself through it. I am accepting the tears, taking the long hot bath and accepting all the hugs I can get.
I am not trying to be strong..just trying to get through. Tomorrow, my cousin will be buried and today we find out the arrangements for my nephew. She was 50 and he was 26….both way too young for this.
They say that no parent should have to bury their child and I cannot even imagine….nor do I want to….but, in my family, two mothers will bury a child this week.
I will write more later…..
A few days after I wrote the above, our family received another shock. There was an accident involving a semi-truck. My sister-in-law’s sister Chris was out with her 7 children and their vehicle was hit by a driver who ran a light. Two children were injured—one had a broken arm, the other had a broken leg. The rest of the kids were bruised and in shock …but ok. Chris, however, did not make it.
Within a week, 3 different sides of my family had suffered a death. I attended the memorial service for my nephew and sent flowers for my cousin as I could not make both services. I did not attend the funeral for Chris as I did not think I could handle it and I knew that there would be enough people there. I would be needed later. At the time, I needed to focus on the upcoming seminars.
A few weeks later, I received a series of texts from my sister in law as she was processing the grief. I watched as about 20 or so texts kept flowing….this was her way of expressing her emotion and the best I could do was just let her know that I was there. I offered her the tools that we had discussed in our seminar and gave her a journal to use. My hope is that she will use these tools and reach out when needed. I also have to remember to reach back once in awhile to make sure everything is ok.
The seminars are done (for now ..see presentation perspectives blog) and all the funerals are over. We are all now processing the grief that follows. This processing takes time and for each of us it will be different. That is how grief works. It is as unique as our relationship with the departed. Thankfully, I now know the stages and we cycle through them. The stages through the grief journey are as follows:
Shock & Denial
Pain & Guilt
Anger & Bargaining
Depression, Reflection & Loneliness
The Upward Turn
Reconstruction & Working Through
Acceptance & Hope
I will work through the stages and hopefully, help others in my family to get there as well. This is a journey and we will survive it together.
Teresa and I would love to hear your story or present to your group. – Please contact us.