This can be a challenge – a big one. Take a deep breath and breathe. Take it one step at a time. Identify the pieces, items that are important to keep and those that are not. If you are not sure about something set it aside and tackle the items where you have more certainty about their importance. You can come back to the unsure pile after you have dealt with what you know.
First, please don’t throw it all away the first week in deep grief. You may regret that later. We suggest not tackling this in the first few months…until you have had time to breath and can get up in the morning and can focus on something other than the great loss you have already endured. Also give yourself some time to grieve. The stuff can wait, it’s Okay.
Jeni:
When Bob first died, there was no way that I could get rid of ANYTHING. It seemed like getting rid of anything was like losing more of him. It took a while for his stuff to become just his stuff and not him. Once I could face that getting rid of some of his things was not getting rid of him, I could finally face clearing my home. There are items that are kept. The items that are to be cherished, the “sentimental” pieces. The ones that mean something. Not everything needs kept. Some of it has become Bob’s treasures…the rest has become stuff to donate and clear the clutter. To be honest, I have struggled on and off with this part of the grief process and, ten years later, I am still clearing his “stuff”.
I have never really tackled this ….I have played with it off and on. My Pastor actually had to clean out Bob’s truck so I could drive it as I couldn’t face taking his stuff out. I have asked others at varying times to assist with clearing items as I didn’t know what should be kept and what should go.Shortly after Bob died, my home was hit with a flood and much of what was “ours” was lost in that event. Almost half of what we had was gone. This made the process of getting rid of the rest just that much harder and I began to cling to much of what we had. Then, we had the process of daily living which also got in the way of sorting out the “stuff” in our lives. I held tight to the items in our lives and the home that we had bought together.
It hasn’t been until recently, 10 plus years later, that I am truly tackling this task and that is really only because I am preparing to sell my home. At first, staying in the house was essential as I didn’t want to move our children and add another transition to their lives. For some, staying in the house you had is essential and a good thing to do. Others will find that moving to a new location is better for them. It is your choice as to what is best for you and your family.
Right now, I am facing a new stage in my journey and life. It is time for me to move on to this next stage. The kids are grown and have moved out. I have a new love in my life and we are planning to purchase a new home together. As I am sorting, donating, cherishing, crying, I am also preparing my kids for mom leaving the family home. My daughters live nearby and are receiving items as they are identified to leave the house. My son lives farther away and is coming in May to take his Dad’s tools and other items that he would like to have. I am unsure as to how I am going to handle this process as I walk by his tools each day in the garage as I go to work. I am certain that there will be tears and mixed emotions as I watch these pieces leave my life. Still, I feel that it is time to move away from these items and I am not using them. At least, I know that my son will get some use and enjoyment from his dad’s tools and I will not be looking at them just sitting there anymore. Sigh….ten years later and it still sucks.
I cannot even imagine how I am going to feel when I walk away from this house for the last time. I know that it is what is best for me at his stage in my life and will be part of my journey…but I also know that it will be a time of high emotions.
As I move forward with this process, I plan to write about the experience of selling the house and share it with all of you. God’s Blessings to you as you handle the “stuff” left behind and a reminder to do it at your pace and never be afraid to ask for help or take time to breath. Take care of you.
We’d love to hear from you. Please comment and share your experiences. If you have resources please share with our community.
Blessings,
Jeni
