It’s Time to …. Says Who?
From Jeni:
I cannot tell you how many times in my journey I heard the words “It is time to…”. These were well meaning words; many times however, they were meant to make me take steps that I was not ready to take. It is time to move on. It is time to date. It is time to get past being sad.
While there is a point where you may need to seek help to get past some of the grief issues associated with the loss of a spouse, you have a right to take the time YOU need to grieve and move forward. Many people are not going to be comfortable with your timeline and will feel that you need to move more quickly. They will want to fast track you to the next step of life. They do not understand that there are certain things you have to take the time to process at your speed.
So….stop…..breathe. Tell them….thank you (in your mind….you can follow up with but no thank you) and then proceed to do what you feel is best for your journey. If you think you can use something from their advice, take the gold nugget out and use it…discard the rest.
For me the phrase, It is time to…just became others’ way of processing their part. I just kept stepping and stumbling through the path. Eventually, you come out the other side with a new normal and a new perspective. There is nothing wrong with that.
From Teresa:
No one ever said out loud to me…”It’s time to…” I am guessing that’s because I’d probably tell them to go pound salt. I moved through grief the best I could. That’s all we ever do is move through it the best we can.
Well meaning people wish you weren’t grieving so they say things to “help” move you forward. Some folks are so uncomfortable with grief and wish they could make it better so they want you to be “better” Like grief is an illness. If only it was and there was a cure. That’s the root of the “It’s time to…”
I had folks offer to help get rid of Kris’s stuff way before I was ready. I was glad I stood my ground and waited. It ended up being done at a perfect time and healing for me and the boys.
I had folks set up dates for me, I went out of duty to the date and thank God he didn’t show up. That was before I knew I could say no. You can say, No, thank you, I’m not ready. I appreciate your intention.
As you move through your grief, contemplate what you are ready for. Be strong and say no thank you. Say yes if you want to. Know that your journey is yours alone BUT, you are not alone in that journey.
We are here to support you. Feel free to reach out to us.
Blessings to you and your journey,
Jeni & Teresa
PS. Looking for support during the holidays? Teresa is hosting a Free Grief Triage: Strategies for the Holidays Webinar, Tues. 12/19 @ 7pm CST. Details here: https://www.boldfulfilledlifecoach.com/
