Before that day
My daughter and I were speaking and she asked me if I was going to Grandma’s for Thanksgiving. I told her that we were going to her Uncle Mike’s as he just got a new house this year and we were all planning to celebrate there.
“Um, mom, you do realize what day Thanksgiving is this year?”
“What?”
“It is the 28th.”
“Damn…no…I didn’t”
“Just thought you should know.”
Ugh. Thanksgiving is on the anniversary date. It will have been 12 years since he passed.
Let’s see how this goes.
12 years. So much has happened. So much has changed. The kids grew up. Three more call me their 2nd mom…so I have six kids and they have kids. I’m a Mamaw now.
Had Thanksgiving landed on the anniversary date before this year, I don’t know that I could have handled it well at all. It just might have been too much to be surrounded by so many early in my grief journey. Even so, we have had experience with celebrations on that day as my sister-in-law’s birthday just happens to be that very day as well. Many times, just getting out on that day was a chore…let alone celebrate with family.
But many things have changed in our lives in the 12 years since Bob has left us. I knew that this year could be different…maybe even enjoyable.
My post the day before Thanksgiving on Facebook was as follows:
Tomorrow is not only Thanksgiving for us. It also marks 12 years since our world forever changed in an instant. I plan to spend it around family being grateful for the new love I have in my life and for all the blessings the Lord has given us. May you and yours find blessings and peace as you celebrate gratitude in your life.
I wanted to acknowledge the day but also acknowledge that we have been blessed in many ways and that I was choosing to celebrate those blessings.
After that day
Their uncle had just bought a new home and it was good to have people to celebrate all that is good in our lives. Neither of the girls went to their uncle’s. I understood but wished they had come just the same. My son and his wife and daughter came and I got to enjoy their company with the rest of the family. My brother’s mother-in-law came as well It had been many years since we had visited and I was glad she came. It was a full house.
Those of you who follow us may know that I am an adoptive mom and that my husband died shortly after their adoption was final. What you may not realize is that, as a result of our adoption, my brothers became foster/adoptive parents as well. So, a family gathering includes a lot of kids (biological, foster, & adopted). It doesn’t matter how they come to us, they are all family. Every time we gather, I get to look at this largely expanded group and know that my husband and I started this. It brings joy to my heart.
In fact, part of the reason Mike had bought a new and bigger home was so that he would have more room to share. I am very glad to know that what my husband and I started so long ago has helped so many children.
This year, I chose to focus on the positives and enjoy family and friends. For some of you on your journey, you may not feel up to this level of celebration. That is ok. Take care of you and your needs as you face any celebration and/or holiday. If you can focus on the positives and participate, you may find yourself remembering the good surrounding your loved one as I did this holiday. If not, just breathe and take it a moment at a time. Remember to be thankful for the steps you can take and celebrate even the little wins.
Wherever you are on your journey, we wish you peace and blessings during this holiday season. If you would like to share your story or have questions you would like us to cover, please contact us here. Take care of you, breathe and move at your pace.
Jeni – with Teresa
