Teresa’s Story - March 2010
Six months and we are surviving mostly. For spring break I thought me and they boys should get away for a quick trip. I thought we could go to an amusement park and ride rides and have some fun. Little did I know that it wouldn’t be all that fun. We tried to have fun but it was awkward with 3 of us vs. 4. One of had to ride solo on all the rides. We took turns but it was obvious that was making the boys feel sad and weird. It was making me feel sad and weird. Eventually, the boys went off to ride ride together and I was left alone among the sea of happy families. That was awful so I got a beer, thinking that might help. I didn’t, it just depressed me more. So I wandered to the shows and shops we had never visited, alone. I had to dive into a bathroom to have a good cry. I was unable to stop the flood of tears, feeling so sorry for myself and so alone. I didn’t want the boys or anyone to see how sad and broken I was inside. I faked happiness during the trip for the boys.
On the way home we stopped at a Snake Farm and truly had some fun. The boys were being so silly and laughing at the animals. THAT was good for my soul. We all had some good laughs and were feeling a little bit normal after that.
I ended up on the six month anniversary being so sick with bronchitis I had lost my voice coughing. I wondered if I could die of coughing and thought that’d be OK, I’d be with Kris again. Oh wait, can’t do that the boys need me. The boys were great and took care of me and I just watched movies, cried and was sick. I wallowed in my grief for a while but was too tired and sick to do much but lie on the couch. I remember thinking, I’ve survived six months, how can that be? I have been faking it until I make it and I’m so bone weary of faking it. This sucks and I’m so lonely. Will I ever be well and feel good again?
The good new is yes, after some great grief group, therapy and time. Life currently is amazing, I’m happy, blissfully in love and my children are doing great. God has blessed me more than I could ever imagine. I just couldn’t see that at six months. Here’s to hope for you and your future. We are here for you.
Jeni’s Story - May 2008
Six months after Bob's death and another major event is happening without him. All three if our children have made it through their classes at church and are being confirmed. He would have been so proud of them. I can remember thinking how unfair it was that he wasn't there to participate. I was proud of our kids...at the same time, my heart ached because he was not beside me.
That month, we were also planning the end of school year celebration at our house for the college students that worked for me. About 100 students and fellow employees celebrating another successful year….and I was trying to smile on the outside and empty inside…..day by day.
The kids and I had begun planning a family vacation. We were going to take the trip Bob and I had wanted to share with the kids. I was trying to build a new life and honor my husband's memory and build a future for us….
This month held a lot of celebration and planning but how I was feeling inside is best stated by my last Facebook status that month:
Is playing ostrich today
I still just wanted to hide from the world. Stick my head in the sand and maybe it would all just go away. But I had the kids and they needed me….I needed them. I had to continue on….somehow.
What’s Normal & What to Expect
You may have a resurgence of intense grief and feelings.
People may think you should be “coming out of it” but you aren’t - that’s normal. Don’t let people guide your journey. Your journey is yours and unique as was your relationship with your spouse. There are actually five stages of grief. (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression & Acceptance) You will most likely journey in and out of these stages multiple times. Life may feel.like a roller coaster right now...It's ok...this is your roller coaster. The twists and turns are all yours...don't let anyone take them away. This is your journey to take in your time.
Jeni and I would love for you to share your wedding ring story. We would love to learn from you. SHARE YOUR STORY!