I recently watched a webinar with Srikumar Rao and Mindvalley Academy. In his presentation, Dr. Rao talked about reframing items in our life that we would normally label as bad or good and not judge them until time allows them to play out in our life. Good and bad can come from any event in our life…even something as devastating as the loss of a loved one.
Don’t get me wrong…I am not saying that losing our spouse(s) is a good thing. It most definitely sucked and was one of the worst (if not THE worst) moments of my life. However, with the passage of time, I have seen some of the good that came from this event in my life.
First and foremost, I am a woman of faith. At the time of Bob’s passing, neither of my brothers attended church. To be honest, I thought hailstones and fire would fall before the oldest of my younger brothers ever went to church again. However, the journey since my husband’s passing has not only led both of my brothers to attend church again, but they both have taken very active leadership roles in the church.
Additionally, both of my brothers and their wives have also become foster parents as a result of this journey that Bob’s death took us on. Preparations for holidays now start with a series of phone calls to see how many foster kids we have this time and how many gifts/candies/baskets need to be brought to the celebrations. This has also led to 3 more adoptions in the family. In the first new adoption, a young man became my nephew and surprised the court when he showed up to his adoption hearing with the support of his entire new family. When they called his name, about 40 or so people stood up to go in with him. The judge was clearly moved by the support that this young man will have in his life.
Second, Bob’s death made me look at what I was doing with my life. He had died just a few months before he was going to change direction and finally pursue what he wanted to become…a math teacher. This event made me realize that if I wanted to do something with my life, I needed to just do it and not wait for the timing to be “right”. I left my job and began a nonprofit for kids that ran for 5 years. Even though I was not able to continue that particular venture, it taught me many things and I do not regret it for a second. It also headed me down a different direction in life where I am happier in my job. I am not yet where I want to be but at least I am headed in the right direction and I am no longer waiting for the “right” time.
Third, the creation of Torn In Half would not have happened and I would not be writing this blog right now if Bob were still here. True, I would still have him in my life but who knows how our words and presentations have affected others and assisted them in their journey. There is a blessing in that work.
Next, with Bob’s health, I have to wonder if, had he lived, he would have had the quality of life that he enjoyed until the day he died. True, he did die suddenly and that was a shock to all of us. But, he lived the way he wanted and didn’t suffer from a long illness or condition. From the condition of his heart when he did die, he probably would have been very limited in his abilities had he survived. I truly do not know if he could have handled life in that fashion. So, it was a blessing to him that he did not have to suffer for any duration.
So, while I do know that Bob’s passing was difficult and I will NEVER say that it was a good thing, I do think I like the concept of reframing things in my life as “Good thing, Bad thing, who knows?” For who knows what direction an event will take our lives and what “New Normal” will look like for us.
We’d love to hear your thoughts good thing, bad thing??? Please share your thoughts with us.
Jeni
With Teresa
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Thank you in advance! Jeni & Teresa
