You might be wondering how vacations and grief go together. Getting out into the world and opening yourself up to life and what the world has to offer while traveling can a great advance forward in your grief journey. Why not travel?
Staying at home doing the same thing can be dulling to the senses. As I thought about it I’ve experienced shifts in my grief after traveling a few times now. Each trip was different, resulted in different outcomes, personal experiences, growth, and meaning. So what did I experience and learn through vacations and grief? Read Teresa’s stories below.
The first vacation was after my first husband, Kris, was killed in a motorcycle accident. My two boys and I planned a mini vacation during spring break. We decided to head to near by amusement park and just have some fun away from the house.
At this point in our lives I was a newly single mom raising two angry teenaged boys. Challenging would be an understatement for what it was like attempting to vacation together as never before. My objective was to bring about a little normalcy and forward movement for us all.
We opted to spend one night away and go to the amusement park for the day. The trip was pretty awful for me emotionally. My fun, happy and goofy riding buddy wasn’t there. How was I to have fun? I didn’t want to ride rides alone. The kids swapped off who would ride alone and we rode a few as a family but, in the end the boys wanted to go to do their thing.
I’m pretty sure I wasn’t a barrel of fun to be around. I was left adrift while the boys tore off to have fun. I had no idea how to entertain myself while they rode rides. I had never been alone at an amusement park before. I had always been surrounded by friends or Kris I was stunned at how isolated I felt among thousands of people. I remember seeing the joyous families and happy couples. I felt very alone, sad, and lonely. I got pretty weepy and took a time out in the bathroom to have a good cry.
Afterwards, I sucked it up and determined that I could do this. I got a beer and wandered aimlessly in the shops and to shows we had never been to before. I pretended to have a great time for the boys sake. We had dinner and collapsed in the hotel room.
The next day we left and on a whim I stopped at the Snake Farm. The boys acted like little kids and we laughed and really did have a good time. I was happy and it didn’t suck being together as a family on vacation. That first family mini vacation was really hard but I was glad we did it and it was a milestone for us. We all moved forward, we laughed as a family again and loved each other. We learned we could do this thing called have fun as a family again.
The second vacation during grief was my very first solo vacation as a widow. I booked myself a spa/lake vacation while my youngest son went to a grief camp. My thoughts were I was close if he couldn’t take camp plus I was at a lake and spa so maybe I could enjoy myself.
I had NO idea how challenging this first solo vacation would be. I thought I’ve been living alone for over six months. I’ve got this. Wow, I wasn’t prepared for the isolation, eating alone, no one to help with the bags, and no one to talk to. Booking a dinner table for one was the worst.
I was OK by the pool until the screaming kids and happy families arrived. I discovered that eating at the bar, as a single is more acceptable and fewer people ask awkward questions or look at you funny. My spa day was truly amazing and relaxing. I needed that pampering.
I thought I’d go out and have fun at night. I just couldn’t do it; I just curled up in bed and read. That was all I could manage.
I had some great cries and wallowed in my lonely grief a bit. I was really proud of myself for vacationing alone and surviving it. I decided that vacationing alone wasn’t exactly for me.
I needed to find some friends to hang out with or group travel. It was a time of reflection, future planning, adapting to the reality that I am single, and a single mom. I moved into acceptance of my new reality and new normal as a result of that trip. I was determined to figure out who I was and what I wanted for the remainder of my life. I knew that I wanted to live and love again.
I had not thought about vacations and travel before as a means for healing and moving forward on this journey called grief. After reflecting I realize it can be a critical part of the odyssey.
Remember grief is a journey and it is your personal journey. I have discovered that travel and vacations can be a great way to heal, move forward, a find some peace along your journey. You can also do something in honor of your loved one on vacation or you can reconnect with old friends and families. Vacations and grief can to together and be of great comfort, peace, and healing.
Here’s to your courage to travel and may you find peace, comfort, and healing in your journeys.
Have you found travel or vacations helpful in your journey? If so, we’d love to hear from your. Did you find this useful or thought provoking?
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Peace, Love, & Blessings,
Teresa Bitner, PMP, M.Ed, ACC
Resiliency, Change, and Loss Specialty
P.S. . We would love to hear your stories about your vacations and get your input. We would love to learn from you. Please SHARE YOUR STORY!
Blog an excerpt from Teresa’s 2016 blog – Click to read the entire blog.
