Holidays.
They arrive whether we’re ready or not.
The lights, the music, the decorations surround us, and everything screams merry and bright when your heart just wants quiet. You may feel torn between wanting to join in and wanting to pull the covers over your head until January.
Both are valid.
Both are human.
Grief doesn’t take a holiday. You might feel like you need permission to grieve. We acknowledge your need and give you permission to continue to grieve during the holiday season. You don’t have to pretend to be happy or in the spirit of the holidays. You get to show up just as you are.
Give Yourself Permission to do what you need to do
You don’t have to be the cheerful host, bake the cookies, or send the cards. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.
You may find yourself dreading and disliking the holidays. That is normal and perfectly OK. We encourage you to determine if and how you want to engage in the holidays. Your job is to grieve and take each day at a time.
This year might look different, and that’s OK.
You can say yes to what feels comforting and no to what drains you. You can change your mind. You can show up for an hour and then leave when your heart says it’s time.
It’s your season, your pace, your healing.
Take a breath.
Just breathe.
One step, one tear, one smile, one moment at a time.
What Matters Most Right Now?
When everything feels uncertain, pause and ask:
- What’s important to me this year?
- What do I want and need most right now?
You may find that what you need most is less; fewer plans, fewer expectations, fewer “shoulds.”
And sometimes, what you crave is connection. Seek out someone supportive who can listen without trying to fix you or make you happy. You may find that person in a friend, a grief support group, or a family member. Take time to savor the shared memories and know that having fun and being joyful is also normal and perfectly OK.
Traditions and Tender Changes
You might keep some traditions and let others rest for now.
Maybe you light a candle instead of decorate and light up a whole tree.
Maybe you cook their favorite dish or leave their chair empty in quiet remembrance.
Maybe you start a new tradition like volunteering, writing a letter, cooking something new, or taking a trip.
Change doesn’t mean forgetting.
It means you’re learning to carry love and loss together.
Small Steps That Help
- Acknowledge your emotions. They may come in waves. Let them.
- Take time for your grief. Cry, journal, walk, pray, or rest.
- Practice self-care, whatever that looks like for you. A bubble bath, a walk outside, a warm blanket; do whatever soothes your soul.
- Reach out. Call or text a friend, join a widow group, or write someone a note.
- Honor your loved one. Light a candle, visit their resting place, or share a favorite story.
- Feed your body gently. Enjoy the comfort foods. Balance them with kindness to yourself.
- Give. Volunteer, donate, or help someone in need. Helping others often helps our own hearts heal.
When It Feels Like Too Much
If you’re feeling low, isolated, or simply overwhelmed, please reach out for support. A spiritual advisor, therapist, grief coach, or close friend can provide support during this time. Grieving alone can feel heavy, but you don’t have to carry it alone. Asking for help is not a weakness; it’s courage in action.
A Gentle Closing
May this season meet you where you are and not where the world expects you to be.
May you find moments of peace between the memories.
And may love, in all its forms, remind you that you are never truly alone.
Peace, blessings, and gratitude,
Jeni & Teresa
PS: For additional support, you can download our free copy of 10 Ways to Move Forward After Loss
The First Days: Coping with Life After Loss is a resource for the first days after a loss – available on Amazon in paperback.
My Journey as a Widow: A Widow’s First Journal is a follow-up journal for processing complex emotions and moving forward with hope. It is available in paperback on Amazon.
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