Every year, as Veterans Day approaches, we pause our usual conversations to recognize the men and women who have served our country. We’ve done this for many years at Torn in Half, and we believe it’s important to continue.
Each November 11, we pause to honor our veterans and reflect on their service. We also believe we should show our appreciation and recognize their contributions throughout the year.
When we think about our veterans, we often think about the sacrifices they have made, the freedoms we enjoy, and the courage it takes to serve our country. Those are certainly important things to remember. But this year, we’ve been thinking a little more about the individuals behind that service and the stories they carry with them.
Every veteran has a story.
Some served during times of war, while others served during times of peace. Some spent years away from their families, while others served closer to home. Some experienced combat, while others supported missions and operations that were equally important to the military’s ability to serve our country. Their experiences may have been very different, but each made a commitment to serve.
And every one of them deserves our respect and appreciation.
Over the years, we’ve encountered veterans who speak openly about their military experiences and others who say very little. Some enjoy sharing stories about the friendships they developed, the places they traveled, and the lessons they learned. Others may carry memories they would rather keep private. We think it’s important to recognize that both responses are understandable.
Sometimes, when we thank a veteran for their service, they respond by saying they were simply doing their job. Others may redirect the attention to someone they served alongside, especially those who did not return home.
We’ve always found that humility meaningful. What may seem ordinary to someone who served can represent an extraordinary commitment to those of us who have not.
Veterans Day can also bring a mixture of emotions for those who served. There may be pride in their service, appreciation for the people they met, and memories of experiences that shaped their lives. There may also be grief for friends they lost, challenges that followed them home, or parts of their lives that were forever changed by their military experiences.
Not every veteran experiences these things in the same way, and we shouldn’t assume that they do. Just as we’ve learned through our own experiences with grief, we cannot know everything someone else carries simply by looking at them.
We also recognize that military service affects more than the person wearing the uniform. Spouses, children, parents, and other loved ones experience their own journeys alongside those who serve. Deployments, separations, missed celebrations, homecomings, and the uncertainty that can accompany military life also become part of their family stories.
For some families, those stories include the grief of losing someone they love. For others, they include the adjustments that come with welcoming someone home whose experiences may have changed them in ways that are difficult to explain.
As widows, we understand something about how experiences become part of the stories we carry throughout our lives. We also understand the importance of allowing people to share those stories in their own way and in their own time.
Throughout this year, we’ve talked about carrying the stories of those we love with us. Veterans Day offers another opportunity to think about the stories that deserve to be remembered, shared, and passed along to future generations.
Sometimes those stories are found in photographs, letters, medals, or memories shared around a family table. Sometimes they are found in the values someone brought home from their service, the friendships that lasted a lifetime, or the quiet ways they continued serving their communities long after their military careers ended.
And sometimes the most meaningful thing we can do is simply listen.
We want to encourage you to take the time to listen when a veteran chooses to share their story. Put aside distractions, give them your attention, and let them tell their experiences in their own words. We don’t always need to ask another question, offer our opinions, or try to relate their experiences to something in our own lives. Sometimes they simply need someone who is willing to hear what they have to say.
Their stories may be filled with laughter, friendships, and wonderful memories. Others may include experiences that are difficult to talk about or difficult for us to hear. We may not fully understand what they experienced, but we can respect the importance of what they are sharing.
And if they don’t want to talk about their service, we need to respect that, too. Please don’t be offended or take it personally if a veteran chooses not to share their experiences with you. Some memories may be difficult to revisit, while others may simply be personal stories they prefer to keep to themselves. Their decision not to share isn’t a reflection of you or your relationship with them. We can show our appreciation without expecting someone to tell us about their experiences. Sometimes respecting their silence is just as important as listening to their stories.
We sometimes think that honoring someone requires us to do something extraordinary. But taking the time to listen, to remember what someone has shared, and to acknowledge the significance of their experiences can be a meaningful way of showing appreciation.
Both of us are proud to have family members who have served or are currently serving our country. That personal connection makes Veterans Day especially meaningful to us, but we also recognize that there are countless veterans whose stories we may never hear.
They are our family members, friends, neighbors, coworkers, and people we encounter in our everyday lives. Some proudly identify themselves as veterans, while others may never mention their military service.
Their contributions matter whether we know their stories or not.
As Veterans Day approaches, we encourage you to take a moment to recognize the veterans in your life. Thank them for their service, certainly, but also remember that honoring them doesn’t have to end with those words or with one day on the calendar.
It can show up in how we treat them, the interest we take in their lives, the respect we give their experiences, and our willingness to support them and their families throughout the year.
Another way to show respect is to be mindful of veterans with service dogs. These dogs are more than companions. They are trained to perform important tasks that support their handlers in everyday life. While it may be tempting to approach a service dog, pet it, or start a conversation about it, remember the dog is working. Always ask permission before interacting with a service dog, and respect the handler’s answer if they say no. Don’t pet, feed, call to, or distract the dog without permission. Just as we want to respect a veteran’s personal experiences and boundaries, we need to respect the important relationship between a service dog and its handler.
To all of our veterans, thank you for your willingness to serve, for the commitments you made, and for the sacrifices that came with those commitments. Whether your service took place during war or peace, at home or overseas, your contributions deserve to be recognized.
And to the families who have shared in that service, we recognize and appreciate you as well.
May we never forget that behind every uniform is a person, behind every period of service is a life, and within those lives are stories that matter.
Peace and blessings, with gratitude to all who have served,
Jeni & Teresa
Resources for Veterans and Their Families
We also want to share a few resources for veterans, military families, and those who may need additional support. Honoring our veterans includes helping them connect with resources when they need them.
U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs
https://www.va.gov/
Information about health care, benefits, education, employment, and services for veterans and their families.
National Center for PTSD
https://www.ptsd.va.gov/
Information about PTSD, treatment options, and support for veterans and their loved ones.
Stand Beside Them
https://www.standbesidethem.org/
An organization offering free coaching to eligible veterans and military families. Teresa serves on their coaching bench.
Veterans Crisis Line
https://www.veteranscrisisline.net/
Confidential crisis support is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Call 988 and press 1, or text 838255.
Service Dog Etiquette: Guide Dogs of America
https://www.guidedogsofamerica.org/best-practices-when-around-a-service-dog/
Guidance on how to interact respectfully with service dogs and their handlers.
Disclaimer: These resources are provided for informational purposes. Torn in Half does not provide professional mental health, legal, or financial advice. We encourage readers to seek qualified professional assistance when needed.
