Standing beside my husband’s casket, I had people tell me that I was young…I would marry again. REALLY??? That was not what I needed to hear as I was standing by his side saying my goodbyes. I couldn’t even begin to think of being with another man at that point. He and I had known each other since kindergarten. We had just adopted three children together. I had to figure out life and yet, others were telling me that I would move on. UGH!
As time went by, I missed the companionship of having someone in my life daily. I struggled with the concept of dating again. I should never have to do this again. I got married. I was supposed to be done with the dating thing. One evening, I had a few drinks and then a few more and a few more….all the while being miserable about being alone. That evening, I signed up on more than one dating site. I found myself being liked and messaged from individuals that I would never consider as partners. I even went on dates with some that were pleasant and not so pleasant.
I had friends that tried to make connections for me. Some worked for a while–others definitely did not. I made some good decisions and I made some poor decisions about dating. I hated being alone and I hated dating. I tried the modern matchmaking program called “It’s Just Lunch”. While it got me out of the house…the matches just weren’t working for me.
Most encounters were brief and some lasted a little longer but in the end …they just were not for me. I was really beginning to feel like there would be nobody else in my life. Unfortunately, I lowered my standards (not something that I would suggest anyone do…it does not tend to turn out for the best) and allowed someone in my life that I would have never considered before. While in this relationship, I ran into an old sweetheart from school. I quickly realized that it was time to get rid of the bad relationship to allow room for what was about to be.
Jeff and I had originally met in the fourth grade. He had grown up with my husband and I and we all went to the same school together. In high school, I had dated both Jeff and my husband. Jeff went off to serve in the Army and, while he was gone, my husband and I grew close. Bob proposed and I said yes. Little did I know that Jeff was planning to come home and do the same. Bob and I were happily married for almost 14 years when he passed. Now, here I was standing in front of another man I had dated in high school. I had responded to his facebook request for assistance with organizing some files. When I was done working on the files (for that day), Jeff walked me to my car and turned me around and kissed me. In that moment, I knew. I ended my bad relationship (it had been over for a while…this just gave me the push I needed to make it official). Jeff and I started back together. We act like teenagers. After Bob died, I never thought it could be like this again.
I am happy again. If I had any advice for anyone on this journey….it would be to stay true to yourself. Don’t go faster than you are comfortable. Don’t change your standards. Don’t feel that there is a timeline to this or any other part of the journey. This is YOUR journey. You have a right to take it at your pace. Don’t let anyone tell you any different. Your timeline, your pace, your life. Happiness will come again.
P.S. . We would love to hear your stories about your dating, your sorrows, your successes, and get your input. We would love to learn from you. Please SHARE YOUR STORY!
