Jeni’s story of Anger in our series Let’s Talk About the Grief Stages/Journey – Anger.
If you missed the introduction or would like a review of the stages, take a look at part 1 – Let’s Talk About The Grief Journey and Stages.
Anger. For many, this word brings on a negative connotation. For me, it was and, sometimes still is, a familiar companion. At first, I could wrap myself in quilts of anger. I was angry at God for taking him. I was angry at him for dying. I was mad at the doctors. I was angry at family. I was angry at friends. I was angry at those who insisted to speak with my husband. I was angry with myself.
In short, I was just pissed off.
If you have been following our blog, you will know that Bob and I had just adopted 3 children, ages 10, 12 & 13. Their adoption was finalized February 1st just before he died in November. We didn’t even have an entire year as a “legal” family. Ok…God…Really? You give me my family and then you take my partner away?
That really got me.
Even though Denial is the first stage of grief….anger hit hard that very night. I was mad at Bob for dying. I was mad at the doctor for not saving him even though he was already dead when he arrived at the hospital. I was sad, mad and in shock.
And it sucked.
One of the things Bob always said he loved about me was my long hair. People around us would know when we were arguing because I would always cut a few inches off. His death really pissed me off. So, the first physical sign of my anger was through my hair. I cut off 14 inches (and yes, I did donate it). It went from past my waist to shaved at the very back. I was determined to have it as short as possible. I thought Bob’s parents were going to have a panic attack. They knew their son loved my hair and, for them, I guess it was like I was cutting him off. In a way, I guess they were right. I was pissed and I wanted the hair gone.
Bob had always been a Chevy man and, beyond that, no other cars existed. We could have nothing but a Chevy in the driveway. So, when the transmission in the Malibu went out and the truck started to have issues….I scrapped the Malibu and sold the truck. Then, I went and bought a Honda. To Bob, that was worse than just not a Chevy….it wasn’t an American company. I simply didn’t care.
Since that time, anger has come like the grief…in waves. When I had to put down the family dog and he wasn’t there to comfort me or assist, I was angry. When I would have to clear out his stuff, I was angry that he wasn’t there to tell me what he would have wanted done with everything. Simply put, little or small, everything made me angry.
Throughout the years, the anger has lessened but still pops up once in a while. I have learned through this journey to accept it but not to wallow in it for long. There are still a few things that create great emotion for me about this part of my life and I have learned to distance myself and allow myself the ability to take care of me without guilt.
My hope for you all is that you allow yourself to walk through the anger and to find your way through this journey where you can find peace.
Our next article will be introducing the next part of the journey – Bargaining.
Jeni & Teresa
Resources
- When to Ask For Help
- Thoughts of suicide – Get help immediately – call 911 or the US. National suicide hotline 1-800-273-8255
- Our resource page has more details on the stages, grief and support. Check out our Resources page.
Disclaimer: We are not mental health, legal, or financial professionals. We cannot personally endorse any of these websites, books, or organizations. Please use these sources for information only and consult professionals as necessary.
P.S. Torn in Half Book Underway – send us your ideas!
Jeni and I are writing a book from our blog series and would like to invite our readers to offer subjects, topics or items you want us to blog about and/or include in our book. The intention is to produce a useful resource and workbook for widows and widowers.Please send us your book topics and subjects.
