To be honest, this has been a tough year for me. I keep thinking, I should be fine. I should be over it. I should not let things get to me.
Woulda, shoulda, coulda…
Those words can destroy you.
Yesterday was Bob’s birthday. He would have been 54. It has been 14 years since he passed. I now have a new love in my life and overall, I am very happy. So…why do these days still affect me?
When we lose someone, people expect us just to pick up the pieces and move on ….like some magic wand will pass over us and the loss will just magically go away. Yes, we will move on if we allow ourselves and we can find happiness. However, just like the event that changed our lives, we will grow and evolve. We can move on to new goals and a new life.
Yet, wherever we go, we will still be someone’s widow. Even if we move on, find new love, find new happiness…we will still have that section of our life that shoulda, coulda, woulda…
There will be times when you will wonder what if, what would have been, what could have been. You can find joy and happiness again and still have those waves in your life. They are now a part of your journey.
So yesterday, I did not publicly state anything about it being Bob’s birthday. I am sure that there are some who want me to do so and think that I am not honoring him by not publicly recognizing these days. I have learned in my journey that no matter what I do, someone is going to have an opinion and think that I handled it the wrong way. So, now I handle it the way that is best for me. Sometimes, I make a public statement.
This year, I chose to just say something to a few people who were with me and to drink some wine. I thought a bit about the life we had together and then reflected on the life I have now. Would Bob fit into my life now? I really don’t think so. Even though I miss him, I know that I have grown and evolved into a new me. I am truly happy now. I have new goals, dreams and aspirations.
I now have grandchildren and while I wish that he could see them, I know that somehow he knows they are here. I thank God everyday for the years that we had and I am grateful that my new love is such a great Papaw to all of our grandchildren.
So woulda, coulda, shoulda may always exist and I may always shed a tear now and then either publicly or privately…but I am doing me. Others will have their opinions and that is OK. This is my journey…not theirs. I am going to do it my way and let them think what they may.
It is OK to take my journey and my pace and in my choice of direction. I pray that though you may also have moments where you reflect and maybe shed a tear, you will also find peace, joy, happiness and new goals and dreams. May your memories provide both smiles and tears and your future begin to seem brighter as you move forward in your journey at your pace.
It’s OK to claim your own journey your way.
Remember - It’s OK. YOU are OK and I’m OK.
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Peace & Blessings,
Jeni & Teresa
PS: For additional support you can download our free copy of 10 Ways to Move Forward After Loss
Torn in Half: The First Days as a resource for the first days after a loss - available on Amazon in paperback and ebook.