When I first started dating again, it was not a sober decision. It was an “I’m drowning my sorrows in wine” type of night, and I was angry at Bob for leaving me alone. The next morning, I discovered that I had signed myself up on a few dating sites. Honestly, it was not the best decision, and there were a lot of interesting characters in that mix of options. Some seemed honest in their search to find someone, while others were looking for someone to support them or provide them with other “advantages.”
I would say that if you decide to look for a new relationship, be careful and safe. Try to keep your eyes open while trying to reopen your heart.
Still, I continued dating and had a few relationships that lasted a bit and then withered away. During this time, I thought about someone I had dated in high school–a gentleman named Jeff. In my high school days, he was always someone I could count on, and we had semi-kept in touch over the years as good friends.
A few years after Bob’s passing, there was a class reunion. I went thinking that I might run into Jeff, and we might reconnect–at least as friends. He walked into the reunion with a woman that he had proposed to just an hour before the reunion started. Though I was disappointed for me, I was happy that he seemed to have found what he needed in his life.
Fast forward about five years. I was in a relationship that definitely was not serving me well and one that I could chalk up to a very bad decision (to say the very least). I had begun the mental process of figuring out how to end that relationship. I was beginning to accept that dating just wasn’t for me and that I would have to figure out the rest of my life alone.
Walking out of church one Sunday, I was praying for a way to end that relationship. At that very moment, Jeff posted online that he needed help with a project. I decided not to go home, and I got in my car and went to help him. He and his wife had been separated, and their divorce had been final for a month. We spent the day working together, and at the end of the day, he walked me to my car. Then, he surprised me. He turned me around and kissed me. Although he hates it when I call it “The Kiss,” there is no other way to describe it. That kiss spoke volumes. It told me that he wanted me to be his. It felt like something out of the movies. It truly was a once-in-a-lifetime kiss. I was his. There was no doubt about it. I was his again.
Yes, it was that quick. I knew getting into the van that I had to go home and end the relationship there. Once I got home, I took the steps to end the bad relationship that was not serving me at all.
That one kiss changed my thoughts and my focus. I was ready to begin a new life and try to love once more.
Once we were together, I learned that Jeff had planned to propose the same week that Bob had proposed to me. He was serving in the Army overseas and was planning to come home to do just that. When he called home, he found out that I had gotten engaged. He returned the ring, re-enlisted, and never told me of his plans. It wasn’t until we got back together that I learned of this story.
Jeff and I had a long history from our childhood. We had met in the 7th grade and knew each other well. We were able to re-enter each other’s life easily. He knew Bob and could tell stories to my kids about all of us in school. It has been six years since “The Kiss,” and this relationship is something that I could never have envisioned in my life after the loss of Bob.
For me, looking for love really wasn’t the option that worked. What worked for me was allowing love to find me. Now, I am happy again with my person. I am glad that I allowed love back into my life, even though it took a while, and I ended up with someone from my past.
Six years later, I am still happy that I took that leap of faith. He has been a source of strength and love in my life. He understands and accepts that I have loved before. I am glad that I did not give up (even though that option was very tempting). What I now have in my life is something that I could never have imagined when I first lost Bob.
As far as your search for someone new, you have to do what is right for you and in your timeline. It is ok to find new love.
Whatever you decide to do in regard to whether or not you look for a new love in your life is ok. Finding and falling in love again is OK. Not doing so is OK as well. This is YOUR journey, and it is OK to do what is right for you.
We need your help in determining what’s next after the It’s OK series. We are seeking a theme for our 2023 blogs. What would you like to see from us in 2023? Please let us know here.
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Peace & Blessings,
Jeni & Teresa
PS: For additional support, you can download our free copy of 10 Ways to Move Forward After Loss
Torn in Half: The First Days as a resource for the first days after a loss – available on Amazon in paperback and ebook.
