Smiling, giggling, laughing…just being happy. These are not things we usually think of when we talk about being a widow. Being happy…how can that happen? Yet, it does. A smile here, a laugh there…they all happen as we travel through this journey. And…it is ok to feel spurts of happiness. It is even ok to actually be happy as we move through and onward in our own lives. Even so, these feelings may cause you mixed emotions about not being sad.
You may feel like:
Oh dear, I just smiled
I’m laughing, is that OK?
I felt happy today – uh oh…
I feel guilty for feeling happy or joy
What will people think if they see me happy or laughing?
When we’re grieving we often can wonder if it’s still OK to be happy and feel a bit of joy. We may be afraid to show our preconceived notion of “positive” emotions. We may worry what others will think. Honestly, it doesn’t matter what they think. They are not dealing with everything on your plate. This is YOUR journey. You need to do what you need to do and we’re here to assure you that it’s perfectly A-OK to cry. It is also perfectly normal and healthy to have those positive feelings like happiness and even joy. Emotions/feelings provide you the opportunity to process the event that changed your life. They are necessary, even if awkward and uncomfortable at times, it’s part of the process.
It’s OK to have joy and happiness.
It’s more than OK, it’s normal and healthy.
Smile at the memories
Smile in the present day activities
Giggle
Laugh
Enjoy things in life
Humor can actually be a way to process the emotions that are overwhelming. Humor can diffuse the heavy tight feelings of grief. Having joyful memories and laughing about the good times is also normal and healthy. In fact it’s part of the grieving process. You can feel both happy and be grieving, it’s part of that ball of grief emotions. It’s normal and part of what makes us human.
Your loved ones and family want you to be happy again and it’s more than OK. Allow the tears and sadness. Allow the smiles and laughter. Embrace your emotions.
Truly, there’s really no such thing as “positive or negative” emotions. Emotions just are. They exist. They need to be felt. They are neither positive or negative – they just are. Judging emotions is definitely not helpful in any form. Let’s suspend judgment about feelings and allow them to be part of us. We are emotional beings. It will happen. Though it may be difficult at times, we also need to not judge the feelings of others around us.
Allow yourself to feel the joy amidst the sorrow, the happiness of a new day when the old ones have passed. Allowing yourself the grace to feel whatever emotion floats by will help you immensely as you travel through this blasted journey. As we continue to say, it is a twisted topsy turvy journey and, that means, it will contain both sorrow and joy. You don’t need to feel guilty about either type of emotion. It is a beautiful part of you and your process.
Smile,
Laugh,
Breathe,
Giggle,
Enjoy life…it is ok
It is truly OK
We’re considering opening up an online widows group. Please let us know your thoughts and what you might like to see in an online widows group. Click here to share your ideas.
Please share our site and resources with others in your life who might benefit from our work. We would also like to ask that you let us know if there is anything additional you would like to see in our site. Please contact us here.
Remember – It’s OK. YOU are OK.
Peace & Blessings,
Jeni & Teresa
PS: For additional support you can download our free copy of 10 Ways to Move Forward After Loss
Torn in Half: The First Days as a resource for the first days after a loss – available on Amazon in paperback and ebook.
