Once we caught our breath, both of us began to look for resources to help in our grief journey.
The sweet little old lady widow groups at church were nice but that’s not who we were. Trying to attend with them felt awkward and we just didn’t relate to the same issues that were present in their lives. Many of them were grandparents or great-grandparents and had concerns more related to their stage of life. We were 40yr old women suddenly alone — widowed with children yet to raise. Our concerns and issues were much different from this group of women.
For both of us, our search turned to the internet. While there are many resources online today, it seemed a vast empty desert at that time (2007 & 2009). We found very little that was of help.
One of the resources we did find was a young widows bulletin board. It was a website from an old school bulletin board. Not easy to navigate but an oasis in the desert, a pretty purple calming background and people who experienced being a young widow. Still, it didn’t fill all our needs for resources and disappeared after a short time.
It was frustrating to say the least. Searching for help and understanding while nobody got us. There didn’t seem to be much help and or understanding if you were a young widow…not even online.
We could find support for the police and military widows which was a start. We both kept searching and thinking, there’s got to be something out there for “normal” young widows. We can’t possibly be the only ones.
Teresa’s perspective. I was seeking someone, anyone to talk to that could verify what I was feeling was normal. I had so many conflicting and enormous feelings. I was scared and felt like I might be losing my mind.I needed to keep my grip on reality for the kids. I didn’t want to talk to anyone who knew me. They didn’t seem to get it. I wanted to find a young widow who had experienced this and could relate. Someone who understood and could help point me to resources and provide some real life examples of how to get through this and survive.
Jeni’s perspective. I only wanted to be able to talk to someone who got it. Someone who understood where I was and could help me crawl, walk, stumble my way through this part of my life. Not only was I a widow but I was a newly adoptive mom of 3 teens. I needed someone to talk to that didn’t want something from me but could help me survive this stage of my life.
You would think that two intelligent, persistent and tenacious women would find what they needed. We never did find the ultimate resource or even resources. We managed the best we could, both thinking someday, I’m going to make a resource for young widows.
In her search for assistance, Jeni found a site that provided coaches for women. Her first coach was nice and helped some but couldn’t relate to the issues that widowhood brought into her life. She decided to try again and that is when she met Teresa. In their time of coach/client relationship, they found a kindred spirit in their respective widow journeys and discussed the lack of resources that they were able to locate.
After coaching, we transitioned our relationship into a partnership dedicated to the development of resources for early widows. In 2016, we decided to start our widow ministry with a blog and then go from there. With Teresa in Texas and Jeni in Indiana, this seemed the best way to work together and provide information to widows everywhere. Additionally, we have had the opportunity to provide some in person seminars, working with widows as they process their grief and try to find life after loss. We are truly blessed to work with all of you. In 2020, we have begun discussion on how to further grow and assist others. If you have a suggestion, please reach out to us.
One of our first choices was what to name our ministry. The name Torn in Half was chosen to tell the world that when you put two together to become one…it is difficult for half of that one to disappear and life to continue. It literally feels like you physically, emotionally and spiritually have been torn in half. Your heart is ripped apart feeling like it will never heal. And yet, the world expects you to continue to function and move on in life.
We created this blog to acknowledge that life will never be the same. You can survive this part of your life journey and find joy and peace again. We have developed this site to assist you in that process. We are a safe and non-judgmental place to grieve and grow. Your grief journey will be unique and personal but can be easier when you find others who understand…ones who truly get where you are in this stage of life. It is our hope that we can provide some insight and assistance to you.
So while 2007 & 2009 did not have many resources, it is our hope and prayer that our resource of Torn in Half will bless you. In the year 2020, many more resources are available to you online. Please take good care of yourself and be mindful of what you find and absorb online. Be aware that in addition to the helpful and useful sites, there are also some that are less than honest and do not have the best intentions that are out there. Be careful and use your gut and mind. May you find the resources that you need in your journey. Please let us know if there is more information that we may provide you in your search for help.
Here are some of our Torn In Half resources to assist you:
If you have questions about the widow journey here’s our FAQHave questions about a specific topic like: New Normal, anniversary days, holidays, grief stages, journey, tips, etc. Our blog includes these topics and so much more. Just use the search at the top of the page to find the topic you’re needing support for.
As we’ve grown Torn In Half we’ve discovered other grief and widow resources and added them to our resource page. If you know of any additional resources we should add, please let us know.
Peace and Blessings to you as you get through the day by day of your journey.
Please comment and share your experiences. If you have resources please share with our community.
Peace, Blessings & Love,
Teresa & Jeni
