Updated 2/18/21
The sense of overwhelming emotion and loss and love and rage and …… it washes over us when we least expect it. Standing at a window display of a store, talking to a friend, driving a car, taking a walk, enjoying life and then….the memories and emotions hit and you are a blubbering mess. This, my dear friend is what I refer to as the “widow wave”. The emotions and feelings just rise up and wash over you out of nowhere and with no seeming reason or cause. Sometimes it might be the mention of his name or something associated with him…other times, it just happens out of nowhere. One minute we are shopping and laughing….the next, we are crying hysterically. It is the nature of the game. It is natural. It happens. Let it happen. It is part of the grieving process.
When I first started experiencing the widow wave, I used to get embarrassed and feel weak. Then, I learned it was just a part of the process of grieving and that it was going to happen whether or not I wanted it to occur. I needed to be able to let the emotions roll. Now, it doesn’t happen nearly as frequently or as strong. Still, there are times when a memory or event will trigger the tears or thoughts. I have learned to accept that.
Recently, I was having lunch with a friend of mine who was 3 years out on her widow journey. She and her husband had enjoyed 6 months shy of 50 years of marriage and we were speaking about our husbands. She kept tearing up and apologized for the weakness. Let me tell you, widows will understand the power of those tears. They are not weakness. They are an indication of the strength of your love, the power of your emotions and the wonder of your spirit.Others may wonder why you cry. Let them wonder. If they understood entirely, they would have to be in our club and we do not want that.
So, the next time the widow wave happens, just let it wash over you. Those of us who understand will hold your hand if needed and the others…just be thankful that they don’t understand.
If you want to learn more about the grief and what to expect, please see our resources page.
Whatever your emotions, please know that they are going to happen and they are part of the process.
May peace and blessings travel with you on this journey and may you find solace in your travels.
Jeni & Teresa
