When grieving, it’s not uncommon to feel guilt if we’re enjoying a moment, happy, or making fun plans. That’s normal, and it is more than OK to be happy and have fun.
When you are grieving a loss, people often expect you to be sad and miserable most of the time, or they are trying to get you not to be sad and miserable all the time. Either way, this evokes a lot of emotions within us as we try to travel through the grief journey. It may make us feel guilty or… whenever we happen to smile or … gasp, even seem to be enjoying something without our loved one.
You may be guilted or shamed for feeling happy. It is never OK to be shamed or guilted for what you feel. Feelings just are. When people make us feel bad about having happiness in our journey, it’s often their discomfort or grief that is coming up. These folks aren’t necessarily thinking of your well-being but are trying to process their emotions. Supportive friends and family will be happy to see you laugh and regain some happiness. Your loved one would want you to regain happiness. Laughing is good for the soul and part of normal feelings.
Remember that you will likely feel the loss, sorrow, and sadness again, and that’s normal, too. It is okay to allow yourself to feel whatever emotion you are experiencing. Being able to smile and experience happiness is a normal part of life and a normal part of your journey. It is okay to enjoy life and the moments that bring you joy.
Find solace in these moments of joy and happiness. Over time, you will eventually feel more happiness and joy. The loss never goes away, but the intense pain fades. Eventually, you will learn how to integrate the loss into your life. You will always remember them and have feelings associated with your loved one. You may have moments of tears and moments of smiles as you reminisce. Both are OK emotions.
It is essential to remember that grief isn’t a linear path; it’s a twisted journey. It isn’t a series of checkboxes to mark off as you get through each part of the journey. You may weave in and out of different stages as you travel through your grief. It may feel incompatible to feel happiness when you’ve been consumed by loss and grief.
It’s 100% normal to have a myriad of feelings, and happiness is one of them. If you find yourself thinking, “I feel happy, oh dear, does this mean I’m moving too fast? What if people think I don’t love them anymore?” Remember, it’s normal and part of the healing process to feel happiness again. You are not forgetting about the loss of your loved one. Experiencing happiness, even in the midst of grief, doesn’t mean you’re moving on or forgetting your spouse. Instead, it’s crucial to healing, honoring their memory, and living a full life in their absence.
Happiness and grief can coexist in this meandering grief journey. When we find moments of happiness, it’s a sign we’re moving forward and processing grief. It is more than OK. It’s a great reminder of your resilience. It is OK to be happy in your journey.
Remember to take good care of yourself and savor the moments of joy and happiness as they come.
As we continue the theme of Your Grief is Genuine, we’d love to hear any topics or questions you’d like us to write about. Contact us here or on Facebook or Linkedin and please let us know.
Peace & blessings to you.
Teresa & Jeni
PS: For additional support, you can download our free copy of 10 Ways to Move Forward After Loss
The First Days: Coping with Life After Loss is a resource for the first days after a loss – available on Amazon in paperback.
My Journey as a Widow: A Widow’s First Journal is a follow-up journal for processing complex emotions and moving forward with hope. It is available in paperback on Amazon.
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