When you first lose a loved one, the last thing you are thinking about is the next stages of your life. As time passes, you begin to rebuild your life and identify how everything will work without them. Slowly, you start to move forward to the “New Normal.” New Normal is what life looks like as you pick up the shattered pieces of your life. Moving forward is normal and a part of the grieving process.
Eventually, you may consider your personal dreams and goals as part of the new process of life. You get to define what moving forward looks like to you. You may pursue a new career, move, build a business, write a book, go back to college, take a trip, or any number of other items. What you decide to do is now up to you.
You may also move into a new relationship and, perhaps, get married again. This relationship will be new and unique and will have its own characteristics. It’s more than OK to have a new relationship, it’s healthy. One of the questions we often hear is when is it OK to move into a new relationship. Everyone has their own opinions. Our viewpoint is that it is entirely up to you when you choose to find companionship. Your marriage vows state til death do you part. They do not state till death plus 6 days, 6 months, etc. When you choose to move on is up to you and your comfort level. You do not have to remain miserable to make others happy.
When and how you move forward are 100% up to you. Others often lag behind your grief because they aren’t living it day to day. They may be happy for your forward progress or, unfortunately upset with you for moving forward. Regardless, this is your journey, and it is OK to move forward.
Moving forward is healthy and a sign you’re moving through your grief. It’s something to acknowledge that’s challenging and celebrate you’re doing it. Moving forward is not “forgetting them” – like you could forget. It’s not insensitive. You do not need to feel guilty or punish yourself because you are chasing your dreams.
As you move into this new chapter of your life, there may be times when you find yourself grieving the loss. This doesn’t mean that you are not happy in your present situation. It is OK to acknowledge our loss even when we are moving forward in life and achieving new dreams and aspirations. You can honor your relationship with your lost loved one and still find happiness in your present life. Your grief is always genuine and unique to the relationship it represents. It is entirely ok to have a “grief moment” from time to time.
Moving forward is part of the changes that come with losing a spouse. You get to set your own timetable and decide what moving forward means to you. Be mindful and intentional about what this looks like for you.
As we continue the theme of Your Grief is Genuine, we’d love to hear any topics or questions you’d like us to write about. Contact us here or on Facebook or Linkedin and please let us know.
Peace & blessings to you.
Teresa & Jeni
PS: For additional support, you can download our free copy of 10 Ways to Move Forward After Loss
The First Days: Coping with Life After Loss is a resource for the first days after a loss – available on Amazon in paperback.
My Journey as a Widow: A Widow’s First Journal is a follow-up journal for processing complex emotions and moving forward with hope. It is available in paperback on Amazon.
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