To the bride planning her wedding and saying her vows, the phrase “Till Death Do You Part” sounds like forever. It is in the distant future. It is barely in the thought process. This is the beginning of the rest of our lives. Our lives are going to be wonderful and it will last forever. Till Death Do You Part is just part of the vows….something you say as you begin this wonderful journey together. We take for granted the little things in our lives as we journey together.
Then, the unthinkable happens and one partner leaves this earth while the other is left behind. Whether suddenly or through a long illness, the widow remains to begin anew and the statement “till death do you part” no longer seems so infinite. The widow planning the funeral and beginning the widow journey or even traveling this journey finds a much different meaning. There is a realization that these words definitely have a finite number to them…a number not of our choosing nor of our liking.
In our journey, Teresa and I have talked to many who are on the widow journey. Whether their marriage journey lasted a few weeks or 70 years, there never seems to be enough time with the spouse. On this side of death do us part, we would tell all married couples to cherish their time together and the life of togetherness. Our advice would be not to take the little things for granted. Holding hands, watching movies, eating popcorn., send that goofy text, smile, and love a LOT. Even the once annoying habits sometimes become the most cherished memories.
The widow realizes that the finite time we have together is over and becomes acutely aware of the loss of companionship. We sure never planned on actually having to deal with that part of “I do until death do you part”. That was for when we were old and ready. We weren’t ready. We never are. Even if you may have been dealing with a chronic illness, you probably weren’t ready for the loss. Whether you are 20 and had just started life together or 80 and had many years together…you still may not have been ready for this part of the marriage process.
So, now what? How do I handle this part of marriage/widowhood?
Some ideas.
- Savor the memories.
- Take time to cherish each moment that you had together.
- Spend time in the memories, journal, record, write, or draw them.
- If it feels like you will never forget them you might or dementia may set in.
- Maybe make a memory book cataloging each year.
- Share those memories with family and friends
- Gratitude – Express gratitude for the time you did have
We’d love to hear your thoughts and comments on this topic – Till Death Do You Part is a Finite Number. Does this ring true? Too morose? Please share your thoughts with us.
Do you have any topics you’d like us to discuss or blog about? Please let us know!
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Love & Blessings,
Jeni & Teresa
