This year, Thanksgiving just happens to fall on the same day as the anniversary of Bob’s (her late husband) death. For Jeni, it will be seventeen years since the day her world changed completely.
We’ve stated many times, the level of your grief will change along your journey. In the beginning, the grief is overwhelming and challenging to handle. Though the loss will always be there, the level of your grief may reduce. You do learn to integrate your loss into your new life and find healing ways to handle the moments when a memory rises. Still, certain days or events may cause the emotions to rise. The holiday session is a challenging time for the bereaved.
This day of Bob’s death has always been complicated for Jeni because it also falls on a relative’s birthday, and the family often wants to celebrate it. They have expected her to be happy and joyful during this time. While she wants to participate in family events, this particular day has caused many conflicting emotions over the years as she has tried to participate in the family festivities even while remembering the day.
Part of Jeni’s journey has been learning the importance of boundaries. So, this year, as she plans for this day, she has taken a different approach. First, she considered how she would like to spend the day and what would work best for her. When the call came with the information about the family gathering, she thanked them for the information and let them know that she had made other plans for the day.
While she realizes that others may not be happy with her decision for the day, she also realizes that she’s taking care of herself in the best way possible. She is planning time with loved ones during that holiday weekend. It simply looks a little different from how others expected her to show up on the holidays.
It is entirely OK to acknowledge times when you need to adapt a situation to better assist you in remembering, celebrating, or merely getting through. Take some time to reflect on what is best for you, and then let others know of your plans. They may or may not understand; however, this is your decision, and it is OK to do what is best for you. Give yourself permission to do what is right for you.
Grief and Joy Can Coexist
When a holiday falls on the anniversary of a death, it forces us to acknowledge the deep emotions of grief and joy. While the pain of loss may feel more acute on these days, it’s also an opportunity to celebrate life, love, and the enduring impact of those who have passed. It’s important to give yourself the grace to experience your emotions without expectation and to find a way to blend celebration with remembrance in a way that feels right for you.
After all, holidays are not just about what we’ve lost but also about honoring the lives that have touched ours in meaningful ways and carrying that love forward, even in the midst of sorrow.
It is natural to not feel the holiday spirit, overwhelmed and not particularly grateful. Know this is normal and more than OK. We sympathize with you and have been through those dark moments on the holidays.
We have found that being thankful and grateful has helped us in our journey. Our own twisted journeys have shown us that the more we try to be thankful, the better things become. We hope that you find little things to be grateful for or find ways to smile during this time of giving thanks.
Taking time to be thankful and express gratitude is beneficial. Science has shown that the more gratitude you express and feel, the better your well-being will be. It’s worth trying, even if you find it challenging to do so.
Benefits of being thankful and grateful even in the difficult moments of life:
- Increases your overall well-being
- Expressing gratitude can improve sleep
- Strengthens your immune system
- Increases resilience
- Reduces stress & depression – who couldn’t use that while grieving?
- Results in more positivity
- Improves your relationships and community
Finding blessings amidst the clouds of despair in our lives has helped to dissipate the darkness. Being thankful and grateful does not have to be about those big things in life. Start with the simple little things. Look for things that bring you a smile, happiness, or even joy. Do you have shelter, food, and running water? That’s something to be thankful for. A hot cup of coffee or tea in the morning (or an iced coffee if you’re like Jeni) can be a blessing. A visit from a friend or family (or a day when “that” person doesn’t stop by). A kind gesture or smile sent your way can be all you need for a slice of happiness. Take a moment to reflect in peace and enjoy a special moment.
Just start with the little things. The moments will grow once you begin to see the little things. Below, we offer a few ways to begin looking for the blessings in life.
Simple tips for gratitude and thankfulness:
- Take a moment each day to think about and even talk about your gratitude.
- Look for the blessings, small joys, and things that brighten your day.
- Look to nature to provide something to smile about or appreciate.
- Be mindful of social media – What are you ingesting? Are you the light or the dark?
- Keep a gratitude journal or jar – write what you are grateful for daily.
- Being grateful for people in your life and saying thank you – the store check-out clerk, the delivery person, the postal carrier, friends, family, etc.
- Look for ways to be grateful in the darkest and most anxious times of life – it will brighten the experience.
- Text or email those who’ve been a blessing to you during your grief journey.
- Write a letter(s) to people whom you are especially thankful and grateful for.
We send our heartfelt hope and prayers that you find a moment to find a few blessings in life and ways that you can smile…even if just for a brief moment. May those moments grow so that you can once again truly enjoy the wonderful person that you are and the life that you are living now.
We are thankful and have sincere gratitude for you, our followers, and readers. Thank you for your continued support.
We’d appreciate your input on topics or questions you’d like us to write about. Contact us here or on Facebook or Linkedin and please let us know.
Peace & blessings to you.
Teresa & Jeni
PS: For additional support, you can download our free copy of 10 Ways to Move Forward After Loss
The First Days: Coping with Life After Loss is a resource for the first days after a loss – available on Amazon in paperback.
My Journey as a Widow: A Widow’s First Journal is a follow-up journal for processing complex emotions and moving forward with hope. It is available in paperback on Amazon.
Follow us on Social Media:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TornInHalfwidows/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/torn-in-half
