Throughout the holidays, people often expect us to be joyful, merry, happy, grateful, and all the other positive emotions usually involved in a celebration or a season of merriment. When you are grieving a significant loss, it may be difficult to feel all the merriment of the season.
Celebrations and holidays are markers of life’s milestones and can be a bittersweet reminder of a shared past.
Yet, these same moments hold the potential for connection, reflection, and healing. The key lies in acknowledging both the grief and the joy that coexist in these spaces.
Acknowledging your grief and the swirl of emotions you are experiencing is critical, especially during the holidays. Joy and sorrow are not mutually exclusive, as we noted in our previous article. It’s natural to experience moments of gratitude and laughter alongside tears and longing.
Give yourself permission to feel without judgment; this is an act of self-compassion. Allow the feelings to come and express them in whatever healthy way makes sense for you. Whether it’s crying, making pumpkin pie, hearing that special festive song, or putting up the tree that reminds you of your loved one, every emotion has its place in your journey.
Take time to honor and celebrate the life and love you shared with your spouse. You could put their favorite ornament on the tree, light a candle in their honor, or have a special moment of silence at family gatherings. You get to choose how or if this works for you this season.
Creating new traditions and rituals can be a meaningful way to honor and keep their memory alive. Consider donating or volunteering to a meaningful cause, making their favorite dish part of your holiday meal, or creating a new dish. These acts of remembrance can provide comfort while celebrating.
Holidays are often steeped in tradition, and the holidays can be challenging when the traditions are too painful and no longer feel the same. While some find solace in keeping long-standing traditions, others may feel the need to adapt or create new ones. You get to choose what works for you and your family. There’s no right or wrong way to do the holidays. It is OK to keep old traditions, and it’s OK to make new Traditions.
Be sure to prioritize self-care during the holidays. For some, the Ho Ho Happy Holidays are isolating, as we see the world in a festive mood that we may not be feeling. Be sure to surround yourself with support so that you’re not isolating yourself too much. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, mental health providers, or support groups to share your feelings and feel heard and understood.
Above all, remember: there is no right way to navigate the holidays as a widow/widower. There’s only your way, and that’s more than enough. Also, remember to give yourself grace and the space you need.
As we continue the theme of Your Grief is Genuine, we’d love to hear any topics or questions you’d like us to write about. Contact us here or on Facebook or Linkedin, and please let us know.
Peace & blessings to you.
Teresa & Jeni
PS: For additional support, you can download our free copy of 10 Ways to Move Forward After Loss
The First Days: Coping with Life After Loss is a resource for the first days after a loss – available on Amazon in paperback.
My Journey as a Widow: A Widow’s First Journal is a follow-up journal for processing complex emotions and moving forward with hope. It is available in paperback on Amazon.
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