One of the toughest grief struggles we face when we lose our spouse is loneliness. It’s a hard type of loneliness that makes us bone weary. We have lost our person. When we see that awesome sunset, there is no longer anyone to share the view. This and many other things make us acutely aware of how alone we are. It is very normal to feel this way.
Britannica defines loneliness as the distressing experience that occurs when a person’s social relationships are perceived by that person to be less in quantity, and especially in quality, than we want.
Teresa’s loneliness can be described as those dark, cold, quiet nights when the grief is overwhelming and there’s no one who can fully understand the pain and sadness filled with tears. Jeni describes the initial loneliness of widowhood to be the empty bed at night, the empty chair at the table and an overwhelming feeling of emptiness and sadness.
When we’re grieving, we can feel lonely in a room full of people, at work and even with family surrounding us. Part of this loneliness is the knowledge that others around us, while sympathetic to our situation, do not truly understand where we are in this new stage of our life.
Being lonely is not the same as being alone. You can be lonely in a chair by yourself or in a crowded room. When we’ve lost our spouse, the feelings of being lonely and alone can become enmeshed and feel the same. Loneliness is a feeling that can wax and wane over time. Remember it’s a feeling and very unique to you and your situation. Honor your feelings and take the time to process them. It will help you on your journey to allow the feelings space rather than pushing them down and trying to deny them.
We have lost the companionship, sense of connection, potential couple outings and invitations and maybe even friends and family as they move through their own grief. These additional losses can increase our feelings of loneliness as we move through our journey.
How can you cope and work through your loneliness
- Acknowledge your loneliness
- Take a moment to find widow groups who will understand and can truly empathize with your present situation. It does help to share the journey.
- Surround yourself with supportive people
- Be mindful of too much isolation – work to find balance of alone quite time and social time
- Work on getting out to be with people and others
- Give yourself the time to process your emotions
- Community, volunteering, going out in public to surround yourself with people, join a group,
- Commit to working through your grief and processing the loss
- Journaling your thoughts and feelings about loneliness
We want you to know you are NOT all alone. You may feel lonely and that is normal.
Do what you can. Celebrate the victories…both big and small. Give yourself grace when you cannot do something. Remember to breathe. Take radical good care of yourself as you process your loneliness.
Please contact us and let us know of any grief struggles or topics you’d like us to explore. We appreciate your support and input.
Peace & blessings,
Jeni & Teresa
PS: For additional support, you can download our free copy of 10 Ways to Move Forward After Loss
The First Days: Coping with Life After Loss is a resource for the first days after a loss – available on Amazon in paperback and ebook.
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