Boundaries…where do you start? Let’s define boundaries. Boundaries are defined as the ability to withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions. Webster defines boundaries as the ability to become strong, healthy, or successful again after a change happens.
Boundaries are saying yes to what you want to and no to what you don’t want and keeping toxic people’s effects reduced.
Having healthy boundaries is a characteristic of resilient people and a sign of well-being.
Some people naturally have healthy boundaries and some not so much. In grief, you can get lost and accept help from anyone. For some of us, boundaries are a difficult topic as there can be much difficulty in setting boundaries with those around us. Some tend to feel that it is necessary to do EVERYTHING that is requested of them.
WRONG.
NOBODY can do everything. NOBODY should do everything that is requested of them.
There are going to be things that you are comfortable doing and want to do. There are other things that you will not be comfortable doing and that are not in your best interest. Saying yes to these unwanted actions or items can increase your stress levels and be detrimental to your overall well being.
IT IS OK TO SAY NO to anything that is not in your best interests or that makes you feel uncomfortable. It is also OK to say no to anything that will take more resources from you than you have or are willing to utilize to fulfill the request being made of you.
In fact, it is MORE THAN OK, it is healthy to say no and establish boundaries of what you will and won’t do or accept for a set of behaviors.
It is also OK to change what you say yes to and what you say no to in different stages of your life. As you grow and move forward, what may have been comfortable yesterday may no longer be comfortable today. In that case, move the boundary lines to fit your needs. Be sure to communicate your new boundary to those affected.
It is DEFINITELY OK to update your boundaries as life evolves.
When you change your boundary lines, be aware that people around you can react in a multitude of ways. They will push back. They will question you. They may even ignore your new boundary. As long as you know that the boundaries you are setting are not damaging in any way, it is OK to continue to set them — EVEN WHEN OTHERS ARE UNCOMFORTABLE with your changes.
One of the keys to successful boundaries is being prepared for the pushback and firmly and calmly restating your boundary. Sometimes, this is easier said than done when you’ve had your boundary line pushed.
It may feel more comfortable to revert to your old ways and just go along to get along. However, if you’ve set a boundary and it’s been pushed it’s up to you to decide if you want to restate it and hold firm or to relent.
Our message is it is OK, in fact it’s healthy to have boundaries.
Healthy Boundaries are a sign of well-being. That’s what we want for you.
We have a checklist that can be of use to help set and determine your boundaries located here : https://torninhalf.com/boundaries-in-grief-struggles-and-solution/
Remember – It’s OK. YOU are OK.
Please share our site and resources with others in your life who might benefit from our work. We would also like to ask that you let us know if there is anything additional you would like to see in our site. Please contact us here.
Peace & Blessings,
Jeni & Teresa
PS: For additional support you can download our free copy of 10 Ways to Move Forward After Loss
Torn in Half: The First Days as a resource for the first days after a loss – available on Amazon in paperback and ebook.
