Our last article we spoke about dating and finding companionship. This week we tackle the trickier topic of loving and more serious relationships like boyfriends and maybe even a new spouse.
When we first lose our spouse, we often cannot even fathom having another person in our life. After all, how could we ever have what we just loss? As we have said before, we will never have the same relationship that we lost. However, there may come a time where you may be ready again to have something new in your life. Again, this is up to you and it is OK.
We hear from friends and loved ones conflicting messages. Messages that sound like, “You should be dating again, How dare you start dating again!, You should find true love, He’d want you to be happy, Didn’t you love him?, You are moving too fast.You’re going to dishonor him by moving in, You are thinking of marriage again, What about the kids, The kids need another parent in their life. And on and on.
What’s a widow/widower to do?
It can be confusing, frustrating and bring up all kinds of swirling emotions. Do I want to, is it time, what about the kids/friends/family, what do I tell others. Is is “right”? Is it “wrong”? The good thing is YOU get to decide what’s best for you.
Take your time and consider what you want most from a new relationship. What characteristics are you looking for in a mate?
We have both struggled with this issue ourselves. Teresa is now married again and Jeni is in a long term relationship with her new person. At some point, we found that we had to give ourselves permission to move on and find joy again.
A huge factor for both of us was that the new person in our life realized that we had loved before and respected the relationship that we had lost.
The other factors in our supportive relationships:
- They were open to the grief days
- Supportive on those hard days
- Understood and respected our former spouses
- Loved our kids unconditionally
- Never told us how to feel or be
- Realized that we could love them and still miss our late spouse
If you are ready for a relationship, it is OK to pursue one. Just be careful and safe and do what works for you. This is your journey.
In our next few blogs, we plan to tell you our stories of finding new love in our life and ways to honor your loved one while being in a new relationship.
Finding or falling is love is OK. Not falling in love is OK too.
This is YOUR journey and it is OK.
We need your help in determining what’s next after the It’s OK series. We are seeking a theme for our 2023 blogs. What would you like to see from us in 2023? Please let us know here.
Please share our site and resources with others in your life who might benefit from our work.
Peace & Blessings,
Jeni & Teresa
PS: For additional support you can download our free copy of 10 Ways to Move Forward After Loss
Torn in Half: The First Days as a resource for the first days after a loss – available on Amazon in paperback and ebook.
