In today’s blog, we’re digging into the topic of growing and moving on. For all of us, it seemed that time stopped when we lost our loved one. Unfortunately, time did not stop. The world kept moving and evolving…and so have we.
It is OK.
As you move through this part of your life after loss, you will grow and change as well. It’s part of the process. Time changes many things. You grow and evolve. You are different from the person you were yesterday.
When we first become widowed, we move through the days in a fog, that’s perfectly normal. We are moving forward each day. Just breathing sometimes takes enormous effort. It’s OK.
Eventually, weeks are passing, events and holidays are happening. We are surviving and moving on through the weeks. Whatever you’re doing and feeling is OK.
At the three to six month mark, we may look back and wonder how we ever got through those first days. We did and we’ve grown through that experience, likely in ways we never imagined.
At the one year mark, the emotions and memories may take us back to day one and that gut wrenching grief. It’s OK and normal. It’s amazing that we’ve survived and a whole year has passed. That is part of the grief journey and growth.
Eventually, we are able to form new patterns and a new way of life. We recognize that our old life is gone and begin to build a new one. This is the New Normal often spoken of. Times of sorrow may come and go. They become part of our story and will never be far from our minds; however, we reach a point where we can develop into a new version of who we are… without our loved one. This is OK.
Your person will always be a part of your story and your journey, but you are still here living. You still have a purpose. It is OK for you to find new goals and a new part of your story. You will grow and evolve. Had your person still been here, you would have done this together. It is OK for you to do it alone or with friends and family as it is a natural part of life.
Your growth may look like changing or getting a new job, changing your hairstyle or clothing. It might look like making new “single” friends. Growth can include going back to school, taking courses, going out and doing things you never did before. Growth can be challenging and also rewarding. You may find yourself taking part in hobbies or things that you always wanted to but never had the time or your special person wasn’t into.
We know that change can be scary. Growth can be scary as well. It’s not easy to step outside of your comfort area and try new things…especially when your world has turned upside down. We encourage you to take steps to process your grief, move forward and make changes. Take it at your own pace and let your gut guide you. Do what feels comfortable and lean into the discomfort of change. Do what you can in little increments until you can focus on more. Eventually, you will be surprised at the progress you have made.
If you are feeling stuck at any point, please know that it is entirely OK and wise to seek assistance. That is part of the growing process itself. None of us are meant to do EVERYTHING on our own. Sometimes, it takes a helping hand to get through that next step.
So, while we may think of them at large events or wish that they could have held that grandchild, we also recognize and appreciate that we are there to enjoy these moments. We can tell their stories to others but also enjoy our part in the process. It is OK to become who you are meant to be…even if you have to do it alone or with a new special person in your life.
You don’t have to, nor shouldn’t, remain stagnant in life just because of the loss you have had. It’s not healthy to remain in deep grief. Enjoy your life, develop new goals, keep your person close to your heart, tell their stories…but continue to be you. It is OK to grow and move forward in life. That is a natural part of life and the grief journey.
So, if you are ready to grow and move on. It is OK to do so. If you’re not ready, It’s OK to Sit Where You Are a Bit.
This is YOUR journey and it is OK to grow and evolve in your journey.
And now, dear readers, we have a question for you. As we are making plans for the future direction of our blogs, we are seeking a theme for our blogs for 2023. In 2022, we have focused on what is OK and what is not OK. What would you like to see from us in 2023? Please let us know here.
Please share our site and resources with others in your life who might benefit from our work.
Peace & Blessings,
Jeni & Teresa
PS: For additional support you can download our free copy of 10 Ways to Move Forward After Loss
Torn in Half: The First Days as a resource for the first days after a loss – available on Amazon in paperback and ebook.
