Setting boundaries is difficult for many people even when times are good. As our regular readers may know, Jeni had great difficulty with this topic for many years and it was part of the reason why Teresa became her coach before Torn in Half was created. When grief enters our life, it may become more challenging to identify, create and maintain the boundaries we need to have in our lives. Remember it’s OK to set Boundaries. In fact it is healthy.
Why are boundaries important?
They let people know how to treat you and what you are willing to tolerate, do, not do, and where you stand. With good boundaries in place, you are better able to handle the day to day. Yes, there may and probably will be some push back–especially if you are new to setting boundaries and maintaining them.
One thing to be aware of as you get comfortable with setting boundaries is the fact that you only have so many yeses that you can give in life. Everything you say yes to may take time and/or energy, and both of these items have a limited quantity in our life. Everything you say no to makes room for you to say yes to something else. So, when setting your boundaries in life, consider the yeses that will serve you well and the nos that don’t serve you well. That way, you can make sure you spend your time and energy wisely and in a way that works best for you.
How do I start?
If you haven’t been able to set healthy boundaries and maintain them, start small, Start with something that is important to you and will not take much energy to enforce. For example, you may decide that you won’t take phone calls before 10 am. You can even use technology in this instance to help you maintain the boundary by setting the phone on do not disturb before that time. However you start, do it at your comfort level.
Benefits of Setting Healthy Boundaries
Improved Well-being: Having healthy boundaries helps to improve our mental, emotional, and physical well-being.
Reduce Stress, Overwhelm, and Anxiety: Boundaries help us make sure we’re spending time and energy on the things that matter most to us, things like quiet time, self-care, hobbies, rest, and relaxation. By identifying these items, we remove some of the stress of other things in our lives.
Improved Connections: We all need connection in our lives. At a time when we may feel most disconnected, boundaries can assist us in maintaining and developing connections with others. By communicating our needs, we can prevent awkward moments, misunderstandings, conflicts, and resentment while building stronger and healthier connections. Knowing where we stand can help in fostering mutual respect, trust, and understanding between people.
Greater Self-respect: While it may be hard to recognize ourselves right now, establishing and holding our boundaries assists with our self-respect and self-worth. It helps you and others remember that your needs and values matter and deserve to be honored.
Cultivate Self-Confidence – Prioritizing our boundaries cultivates a stronger sense of self-confidence, empowerment, and assertiveness. This, in turn, fosters healthier self-esteem and resilience.
Increased Productivity: Setting boundaries can significantly boost productivity and efficiency. They can help us get those tasks done that can be overwhelming by helping us focus on what’s most important.
We have checklist for setting boundaries that you can find here: https://torninhalf.com/its-ok-to-have-boundaries/.
Remember, boundaries help to define how people treat you. You have the right to set the parameters for them and remind them of your boundaries should they try to push past them. It is self-care as it provides for your personal space and your mental and emotional well-being. Check in with us in our next blog for advice on how to set and maintain your boundaries.
Peace & blessings,
Jeni & Teresa
PS: For additional support, you can download our free copy of 10 Ways to Move Forward After Loss
The First Days: Coping with Life After Loss is a resource for the first days after a loss – available on Amazon in paperback.
My Journey as a Widow: A Widow’s First Journal is a follow-on journal for processing complex emotions and moving forward with hope available on Amazon in paperback.
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