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Grief Struggles…THE Lawnmower

Sometimes, a grief struggle takes us by surprise. We may not even realize that something is a part of our grief and is a load on our emotions and our journey. It may only surface as being a part of the journey when we deal with the item. These THINGS that are special and uniquely ours block our path to healing. It’s one of many grief struggles we get to live through as widows and widowers.

Jeni’s Story – On November 28, 2007, I came home to find my husband lying dead in front of the shed in our backyard. He had a “staycation” that week and had planned to get caught up on some work around the house. When I found him, he was lying next to his fancy ZTR (Zero Turn Radius) lawn mower. Although he wouldn’t be “pronounced” until the evening, I knew that he had passed shortly after we spoke that morning due to the condition and placement of the mower when I found him. 

The mower was placed back into the shed. 

Honestly, I couldn’t get on that thing after he died. For a while, I let others use it to take care of the yard. However, I had teenagers, and somehow, the mower was damaged and couldn’t be used. It then sat for years in the shed. After many years of being in this condition, we finally fixed the mower and began using it again. One of the individuals who used the mower then ran it into a tree, and it, once again, was unusable.

The mower was again placed back into the shed. 

After Bob had died, I did not go into the backyard for a LONG time. It took forever to get comfortable with just going in the backyard, let alone going near the shed. To this day, I rarely go near or in the shed. I just never felt comfortable in that area of my property. 

Recently, someone expressed an interest in the mower, and I eventually gave in and sold it. They paid me the money and then took it from the house. The next day, I went into the backyard and looked into the empty shed.

I felt a weight lift off my shoulders, and I felt …


All I could think was that the blasted machine was finally gone. I couldn’t believe my reaction after almost sixteen years! I had never realized that I felt so angry at that machine and that its removal from my life would make me feel such peace.

I did not know that I was struggling with this, yet, here it was, a struggle that had lay dormant in my body for years. It has been over a decade, and I still could feel the relief of this being removed from my life and my widow’s journey.

What might be something in your life that is holding you back or causing you an inner struggle as you move forward in your journey? Think about what might be blocking your healing in the widow journey and what you can do to move forward. You might be surprised by the relief you feel once that THING has been handled.

Please contact us and let us know of any grief struggles or topics you’d like us to explore. We appreciate your support and input. 

Peace & blessings,
Jeni & Teresa

PS: For additional support, you can download our free copy of 10 Ways to Move Forward After Loss

Torn in Half: The First Days as a resource for the first days after a loss – available on Amazon in paperback and ebook.

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