Many have defined stages of grief and the ways to get through grief. We have even discussed several of these stages in our blog. In truth and as we have stated many times, this journey is convoluted, twisted and very hard to define. It is also very personal and unique to you. Though we may understand each other as we enter into this widow club, we also know that everyone’s journey, though similar, will be as unique as they are. This is ok. It is as normal as our lives get at this point.
It seems like everyone around us has an opinion on how to live life and move through grief. Truly, they all had opinions before but we were able to drown them out. Now, their opinions seem amplified as we search for the answers to our new lives. We are trying to find new normal.
You may hear things like: “You should date”. It’s too soon to date. You’re young…you’ll marry again. You should sell your house. You should keep your house. Take some time off work. Don’t you think you have been off work long enough. It’s time to move on with your life. Why are you always depressed? How are you so happy? And on and on it goes, twisting in all directions.
You can’t win trying to please them. It is best to not even try. They don’t understand where you are in this journey. They have no clue and while you don’t want them to truly understand…you want them to at least try to understand without them adding to your emotional roller coaster. The problem is…they are also struggling with their grief and for words. Sometimes their words of “comfort” are more troublesome to us.
You would like some sound advice and someone to talk to but who? Who can you trust? Who will get it? Who won’t tell you something that’s stupid or hurtful thinking they are helping? Sometimes, we learn to not talk to anyone but try to live and breathe. Remember to reach out to others when you need to but try to learn to take from them the golden nuggets of advice and help that you need in your process and take the lousy chunks of coal (bad advice or help) and chuck it to the farthest depths that you can.
Remember…this is YOUR journey. You are doing the best you can and you will get through. Take it at your pace. One minute, hour, day, week …whatever pace is comfortable for you. You may be feeling like you should be grieving more or maybe you feel like you are grieving too much? There is no right or wrong, it is your own personal unique journey. Although there are similar stages and similar steps, there are no two grief journeys that will look exactly the same, last the same amount of time, or end up with the exact same result.
That’s because our relationship with our deceased loved one is as unique as a fingerprint. You may have lost your best friend, you may have lost a spouse you didn’t know anymore, you may even have lost a jerk you just happened to be still with at the time of their passing. It doesn’t matter…because death still hurts and it will be a journey for you that will be as unique as you.
If you are looking for some way of talking but there’s no one to talk to…try journaling. Writing can have great benefits. Even a letter to your loved one can help in processing your emotions. If you are up to it, try talking to a trusted person, professional, mentor, coach, pastor, or spiritual guide are great options. See our blog on when to get help.
Want to learn more, want to hear from others who are on this journey, join us!
What have you experienced? We’d love to hear from you. Please share your thoughts with us. Please contact us.
Teresa & Jeni
PS. Jeni and Teresa would be willing to host a workshop or speak your group? Please contact us to learn more.
