This blog is about Jeni’s milestone, entering a new stage of life.
So, this month marks an odd milestone for me. On July 4th, as everyone was celebrating Independence day, I became a widow for a time span equal to the time I was married. Every day that passes now makes it longer than my marriage. I never ever thought that would be my reality.
I was married April 23, 1994 and he passed on November 28, 2007. Here are the stats from Timeanddate.com on July 7, 2021.
From and including: Saturday, April 23, 1994
To and including: Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Result: 4968 days
It is 4968 days from the start date to the end date, end date included. Or 13 years, 7 months, 6 days including the end date.Or 163 months, 6 days including the end date.
Alternative time units
4968 days can be converted to one of these units:
- 429,235,200 seconds
- 7,153,920 minutes
- 119,232 hours
- 4968 days
- 709 weeks and 5 days
- 1361.10% of a common year (365 days)
And, for the time from then until present day:
From and including: Wednesday, November 28, 2007
To and including: Sunday, July 4, 2021
Result: 4968 days
It is 4968 days from the start date to the end date, end date included.
Or 13 years, 7 months, 7 days including the end date.
Or 163 months, 7 days including the end date.
Alternative time units
4968 days can be converted to one of these units:
- 429,235,200 seconds
- 7,153,920 minutes
- 119,232 hours
- 4968 days
- 709 weeks and 5 days
- 1361.10% of a common year (365 days)
Who would have ever thought I would be at this point? It is almost as if I have lived separate lives….the time before the event and the time after. I know that those of you who read our blog and have lived this understand that life after the loss of your spouse is radically different from life before.
The world changes in an instant and you have to go on. At first, there are people around you who support and try to assist. As time goes by, they go back to their lives and you have to move forward. You have to figure out the world without your other half.
And now, for me, that time is longer than the time we had together.
What has happened in the space between? I have cried, screamed, and struggled with depression and loss. I have had to work hard to regain myself and my life. I have heard people weep with me and I have heard them lose patience with my grief. I have worn my ring, taken it off, put it back on, moved it to another hand and taken it off again. I have struggled with all the stages of grief and have circled in and out of them many times.
I have lost others in my life and dealt with the concept of multiple grief at the same time. I have redeveloped my stance on funerals. I now only attend if I want to and if I won’t be missed. Otherwise, I won’t go.
I have held my children close and I have watched them grow into adults and know that my husband has missed so much. I am now blessed with grandchildren and enjoy the time that I get to spend with all of them.
I have had wonderful people help me and I have had others take advantage of me. I have been robbed and I have had people give me things I needed. It has been a struggle but I have gotten through it.
In the time since my husband passed, I have dealt with a flood that took over half of my house, I have been in a wheelchair, I have purchased two vehicles on my own, I have traveled with my kids and in business, and a myriad of other things. In essence, I have lived. I have gone on. Am I perfect? No. Am I moving forward? Sometimes. Are there good times? Yes. Are there bad times? Yes.
Dating? Oh, my, dating. I got drunk one night and signed up on dating sites. I have had my share of frogs since my husband died. Never did I think that I would be dating again. I struggled with dating and all that goes with it. At first, it felt like cheating. Then, it was bothersome to have to go through it all again. Fortunately, I now have reconnected with someone from my school days and am blessed to have him in my life and the lives of my children and grandchildren.
I walked away from my job and I built a nonprofit that mentored children for about five years before it shut down. I worked in children’s organizations for several years. Recently, I have returned to a corporate setting.
In the pandemic, I returned to school to get my second Master’s degree and rekindled my networks that I left after Bob died.
When I couldn’t find the resources that I needed as a widow, I found Teresa. Together, we have built Torn in Half to help others who have been where we are or were. We are not counselors or therapists, but we have been there and we get it. We both hope that our words and our stories are beneficial to those who are standing where we once stood. And, we hope that you will share this site with others who need its presence in their lives.
2021 brought life into our first book The First Days which we developed as a resource for those very first days after loss. The book is short because, as most of us know, we do not have a lot of energy at that time. This book is intended to be short so that the information can be more readily absorbed. It is our plan to create more books to help those who are now where we once stood.
There are people I can trust and people that I cannot. I have gotten better with creating boundaries and protecting me while moving forward. Do I still cry? Sometimes. The memories are there. They always will be. He was and is a part of me.That hasn’t changed.
Some tell me I need to just get over it. I have learned that you don’t “get over it”. You learn how to live with it and know that it will hurt a little less as time goes on. You also learn that there will always be times when a memory will greet you with a smile or a tear. And that is ok. That is life.
So, I am now a widow longer than when I was married. I am stronger, wiser and I am moving forward. I am living my life as best I can. And …that is ok.
I hope that sharing my story is useful. The realization that this part of life is longer than the other is different and odd. There’s no easy answer or right thing to do. Pray, seek your heart and do the best you can. That’s all we can do.
Any transition is hard and the widow journey makes it even harder. Our hope is that this story will help you with any transition you have to make along this journey.
Please like and share.
Many blessings to you all,
Jeni & Teresa
PS: For additional support you can download our free copy of 10 Ways to Move Forward After Loss
Torn in Half: The First Days as a resource for the first days after a loss – available on Amazon in paperback and ebook.
