In our next installment of It’s OK we’re here to tell you it’s OK to be an OK parent. No need for the super parent or martyr. Just surviving is A-OK.
So, in an instant you have gone from a family with a mom, dad, kids, pets, etc to a single parent family. You now have to be responsible for everything. You are mom AND dad. You are the sole breadwinner. You have to be the fixer of all things. You have to pay all the bills. You have to clean, cook, etc. You have to…. And the list goes on and on. There is no longer that partner to lean on, to share all the stuff with. You have it all ….the good, bad and the ugly.
Please take a moment and remember you are still just one person. You are also a grieving person who is trying to deal with your loss while you help your kids deal with their loss and deal with the whole living day to day gig that is life.
Please, give yourself some grace.
You are going to do the best job you can under the circumstances of life. Just like when there were two of you, there are going to be mistakes made. Only now, with just you, you might feel like you have to be double. You have to be….da.ta.da. SUPER PARENT.
You have to be you and continue to do the best you can.
There’s likely to be moments, many moments of thinking I’m a horrible parent, other parents do this or that. I never thought I’d be slacking or not even engaged in this event or thing for the kids.
It’s perfectly OK to not attend, not do the club, sport or whatever booster fundraiser meeting or annual event like you might have before.
Do the best you can at the moment.
It’s OK to say No, not go, or ask for help.
Get someone else to take the kid(s) and/or transport them.
Do what you can.
STOP comparing yourself to others - they are not you nor in your circumstances.
You will be the parent regardless of how well you think you parent.
There will be times when you can attend those events, be at those games. Go when you can. It may be difficult being there without your spouse. Just do what you can and allow yourself to grieve. Also, allow yourself to enjoy these moments with your children when you can. Hug them tight and know that you are still here with them for all the moments to come.
You are OK. You are doing the best you can - even if you are now doing it as a single parent. You can do this. There will be mistakes along the way. However, there would be mistakes along the way even if “that day” hadn’t happened.
The difference is that you don’t have anyone to share the joy, the sorrows, the guilt, the everything.
It will be OK.
On the topic of Mother’s Day
We’ve written about different experiences of Mother’s Day. If you are blessed to be a Mother, we wish you a blessed and happy Mother’s Day.
Taking care of you & Mother’s Day without your partner - http://torninhalf.com/experiencing-mothers-day/
Mother’s Day Without Mom - http://torninhalf.com/mothers-day-without-mom/
Mother’s Day Musing - http://torninhalf.com/mothers-day-musings/
Remember - It’s OK. YOU are OK.
Please share our site and resources with others in your life who might benefit from our work. We would also like to ask that you let us know if there is anything additional you would like to see in our site. Please contact us here.
Peace & Blessings,
Jeni & Teresa
PS: For additional support you can download our free copy of 10 Ways to Move Forward After Loss
Torn in Half: The First Days as a resource for the first days after a loss - available on Amazon in paperback and ebook.