In our Boundaries series, we’ve discussed The Benefits of Boundaries, How to Set Healthy Boundaries, and what to do with Boundary Pushback. Now, we’re digging into when boundaries change. Healthy boundaries are not set in stone; they change as we change.
As our lives evolve and change, so do we. What we need today may not be what we need tomorrow. So, as you start becoming comfortable with setting boundaries, know that you can change them when needed. The important thing to remember when you assess and make changes is that you remain consistent with the changes and that you communicate your new needs.
We encourage you to start with some small things and build as your confidence grows when setting boundaries. You will become more comfortable with it as time goes on.
In order to maintain your boundaries, you can restate them to those who decide to pushback. Another tactic is to not put yourself in a position where they can push back on one of your stated boundaries. For example, if you know that someone will use an event to try to get you to change your mind, find a way to gather support for yourself or remove yourself from the situation.
Part of healthy boundaries is evaluating them on a regular basis. What worked last year might not be working now. It’s normal and part of the process for boundaries.
Set aside time to review boundaries regularly and consider what is working and what you’d like to change. Consider your needs, values, and wants. What might need to be adjusted, if anything? You can use the steps you used in setting boundaries to review. How to Set Healthy Boundaries can support you in doing this.
Remember if your boundaries change, you’ll want to be sure to communicate the changes to those who are impacted by the change. You don’t have to explain yourself or give reasons why. If you feel like you need to give a short answer like, “Things, have changed, and here’s what I need now, thank you.”
Another thing to remember is that every yes you give to someone takes your time and energy. Reserve the times you say yes to things that serve you well. Give yourself the grace and permission to say no to the things that do not serve you well. You will find that you will have more peace and satisfaction along your journey.
Practice self-compassion and patience: Changing established boundaries and expectations takes time and energy. Be gentle and patient with yourself and others as you navigate the process of setting healthy boundaries, communicating, reiterating them, and reviewing.
Tips to review about boundaries & the importance of having them:
- NO is a complete sentence. You don’t have to explain why.
- As you evolve, your boundaries can change. You are in charge of them.
- Remain consistent in what serves you well.
- Boundaries are part of healthy self-care.
- Be ready for pushback and remain firm with strategies for when this happens.
- Having healthy boundaries can improve your self-esteem and raise your confidence levels.
- Boundaries can empower you to achieve what you want to achieve.
- They have been found to reduce stress.
- When people know what you will and will not accept, it will actually help to improve your relationships.
- Your boundaries are unique to you. They don’t have to match anyone’s expectations but your own.
If setting boundaries is really tricky for you, reach out for support. Find those who respect and support your boundaries—family, friends, coach, therapist, pastor, spiritual guide, etc. They can be a sounding board, help define healthy boundaries, and support you through pushback.
Remember that boundaries are a work in process and will change as you and your life change. That’s normal and part of the process. Take care of yourself and set your healthy boundaries.
Peace & blessings,
Jeni & Teresa
PS: For additional support, you can download our free copy of 10 Ways to Move Forward After Loss
The First Days: Coping with Life After Loss is a resource for the first days after a loss – available on Amazon in paperback.
My Journey as a Widow: A Widow’s First Journal is a follow-up journal for processing complex emotions and moving forward with hope. It is available in paperback on Amazon.
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