Most people think grief arrives on anniversaries. We think about birthdays, wedding anniversaries, holidays, or the date our loved one died. We expect those days to be difficult because they are clearly marked on the calendar. We prepare ourselves emotionally, knowing certain memories and feelings may surface.
What often surprises us is that grief doesn’t always follow the calendar.
Sometimes it arrives through music. A particularly poignant song is Creed’s – Arm Wide Open.
For me, those reminders comes through music. A familiar song begins to play, and suddenly I am transported back to another season of life. The music brings back memories of conversations, road trips, shared experiences, and all the ordinary moments that became meaningful simply because Kris was there. The songs last only a few minutes, but the memories linger much longer.
Years ago, moments like these caught me off guard. I wondered why they still affected me. I questioned why a song could stir emotions after so much time had passed. What I understand now is that these moments are not signs that I am moving backward. They are reminders that love leaves an imprint on our lives. Music has always been a large part of my life and it makes sense it would stir memories.
The people we love become part of our story. They shape how we view the world, how we celebrate milestones, and how we experience everyday moments. While the intensity of grief may soften over time, the connection we feel to those we loved remains.
Sometimes grief appears in people.
Every now and then, I will see someone in a crowd who resembles Kris. Maybe his walk, or facial features. For just a moment, my heart pauses. My mind immediately knows it isn’t him, but there is still that brief instant when memory and reality seem to overlap. The moment passes quickly, but it reminds me how deeply certain faces become connected to the people we love and how those connections remain long after they are gone.
Other times, grief appears through life’s milestones.
One of the experiences that stands out most for me happened when I remarried. During the planning process, I realized that the date we had chosen was only ten days away from the anniversary of my wedding to Kris. Both anniversaries would forever live in the same month.
At first, I wasn’t sure what to do with that realization. I was excited about a new chapter and grateful for the opportunity to love again, yet I was also aware of the memories connected to the wedding that came before it. What I eventually learned was that remembering Kris did not diminish the joy of my new marriage, and embracing my future did not erase the significance of my past.
The two anniversaries represent different chapters of my life, but neither takes away from the other. Instead, they remind me that the heart has a remarkable capacity to expand. There is room to honor the love I shared with Kris while fully embracing the life I have today. One chapter did not replace the other. Both are part of my story.
Sometimes grief appears through the people who continue our story.
For me, that often happens when I watch my grandchildren. As I see them playing, laughing, and growing into the people they are becoming, I sometimes find myself thinking about Kris. I wonder what he would have said to them, what lessons he would have shared, and how much joy he would have found in being their Grandpa Kris.
There is happiness in watching my grandchildren grow, but there is also a quiet awareness that they are experiencing life without him. It’s bittersweet mixture of feelings of joy and sadness. Grief has taught me that these feelings can exist together. I don’t have to choose between celebrating the life in front of me and missing someone who is no longer here. Joy and remembrance are not opposites. They often walk hand in hand.
In many ways, all of these moments have become their own kind of anniversary. Not an anniversary marked by a date, but one marked by connection.
A song that brings back a memory. A familiar face in a crowd. Two wedding anniversaries that share the same month. A grandchild’s smile.
These moments remind me that Kris mattered. They remind me that the life we shared mattered. They remind me that love continues to exist long after loss.
Some of these moments bring tears. Some bring smiles. Many bring both. And that is okay.
Grief is not about forgetting. It is about carrying our memories in a way that allows us to continue living, loving, and growing while still honoring the people who helped shape our lives.
So if you find yourself unexpectedly reminded of someone you love, give yourself grace. Maybe it is a song. Maybe it is a photograph. Maybe it is a grandchild who shares their smile. Maybe it is a stranger who looks familiar from a distance.
Whatever the moment may be, allow yourself to pause.
Because grief does not always arrive on anniversaries.
Sometimes it appears in ordinary moments.
And when those moments come, they are not signs that we are moving backward. They are reminders that love continues to leave its mark on our lives.
Some anniversaries do not live on the calendar. Some anniversaries find us exactly where we are.
With peace and blessings,
Teresa
Resources to Support You
The First Days: Coping with Life After Loss – for those in early grief
My Journey as a Widow: A Widow’s First Journal – for reflection and healing
10 Ways to Move Forward After Loss – free download
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